I woke up this morning with modeling on my mind, but it wasn't in a positive light. I am considering putting an end to my modeling career. I am not 100% certain and I don't know if it will be a decision that will last forever, but it is definitely something I have to think about and come to a firm decision on.
Things in that part of my life have been at a standstill for quite some time. With working a full-time job, not getting chosen for most castings, and having a million other things I want to do with my life ... it's been weighing heavily on my mind. I know that I won't get every job I want and I know that I can make it if I put in the effort, I just haven't been inspired or motivated to lately. And it's been hard on me. It's been really hard. I think back to when I was back in Buffalo shooting at least twice a week and having the time of my life. How could I possibly give that up? Perhaps it's because I haven't felt that way about modeling in a very long time even though I've had many photo shoots out here and have been involved in some amazing events. I haven't made many positive connections out here and it's hard to keep the passion alive for something when that happens.
I might not end it completely but I think I might take some serious time away from it to work on other parts of my life and other interests.
I am interested in becoming a make-up artist, if not as a full-time career at least for my own knowledge and a hobby.
I want to finish school, more than likely finishing up my Sociology degree.
I like helping people. I like inspiring people and I want to write a book. People have suggested that I be a motivational speaker, it sounds great but I'm not the best public speaker. I would definitely have to get over that fear.
I want to have a career that is flexible enough to wear I can travel, and still make good money.
I want to eventually work for myself.
I want to blog and it would be great if I could cash in on this since I consider myself a pretty good writer.
I just don't think I can pursue all of these avenues along with working full-time and modeling. Maybe I need to have more faith in myself.
It makes me really sad to think about leaving such an important part of my life behind but sometimes that is what you need to do in order to embark on the next journey. I read this quote earlier and it fits in perfectly --
"Sometimes you have to forget what's gone, appreciate what still remains, and look forward to what's coming next."
What's next for me? I will let you know when I figure that one out ;-)