This was the fourth year I’ve spent the holidays away from home, and as much as I “should” be used to it, I’m not! I broke down on Christmas Eve. I must have been holding all of those emotions in for a while because it was a heavy outpour. I feel awful for always being so emotional during this time of year when loved ones try their best to make it special. I can’t help how I feel though and I don’t want to hide it or hold it all in, as I tend to do for the sake of others.
It’s difficult for me to be away for many reasons. I suppose it's mostly because my move to Arizona, and then to California, was so hasty and not well planned out. I never thought about what I’d be giving up in order to make a living out here.
I come from a big family (Irish Catholic on my Dad’s side & German on my Mom’s) and even though my parents split when I was pretty young, Christmas-time was always very special to me. As for many others, it’s the one time of year that we all got together. To go from that to celebrating with another family (small and separated) was a hard transition, and it still is. They’ve all been kind and giving which I greatly appreciate but it’s not MY family… you know? As good as it is, it will never be the same. And maybe that’s a part of my problem. I want it so bad that I am comparing? I feel that I know better but maybe my subconscious gets the best of me at these times. Whatever the case… wherever I am, I know I am loved. And that is one thing that could never be replaced.
I did have a nice Christmas this year. Some friends opened their home and hearts on Christmas morning and that made me happy. I hope theirs was just as nice! Now onto some goodies I received for Christmas!
I also received a GENEROUS donation from friend's of mine to my Art of Elysium project on Crowdrise. It was unexpected and I love them so much for it!
Did you receive anything super exciting? I'd love to hear all about it! Xo.