April 23, 2011

: First Steps

It's funny how things work out sometimes. On the way home from work yesterday, we stopped at the same red light where we witnessed the train crash last week only 30 minutes later than it happened. And the weather was gloomy, almost as if Mother Nature was paying her respects to the woman's memory. I will never forget that day and how it has affected me. Never. But I have to start moving on with my life in honor of her memory. I truly have to start living life to the fullest like I had been doing before. Maybe this experience was meant to remind me of that. Life is way too short when you sit down to think about it.

I am going to look into seeing a therapist again. It's scary to think about, as anything is when you first think about it. The first step is always the hardest but I need to take it if I want to have a bright future. There are certainly things holding me back from truly being happy and letting loose. I haven't been able to figure out what they are on my own, so I need to start asking for help. I really wanted to believe that I could do it on my own. Some things I've tried worked, but not enough.

I think what I am most nervous about is facing it all again, the dark days from my past. I have a lot of them and I know it will not be easy to work through them. I'm afraid that working through them will make things worse in my relationships... that it will affect them in a negative way because of facing my demons again. I believe the end result will be worth it all, I'm simply scared of the in between.

If you're reading this and have been through the therapy thing before, I would love any advice you can offer.


  1. <3 love you. And I know you can get through anything! You are such a strong and determined woman.

  2. Don't look at therapy as a battle between your past, think about it as a way for someone to guide you to closure of your past. And always remember that fear is a reaction to the perception of an idea , and its only a feeling it'll pass..strength will always keep you going :)

    Love you!