June 2, 2011

Back in the Swing of Things!

I'm feeling very refreshed after reading this article that a friend of my shared with me after expressing how down in the dumps I've felt lately.  I knew a lot of them already but it's nice to be reminded of them every now and again because it's easy to forget the simple things. And those are the most important after all. We'll see how long the "refreshment" lasts this time, but I wanted to act on it a little bit now.

I think back to when I began to pull out of my worst rut over two years ago; I finally began working again, I taught myself how to cook better, I was working out at the gym regularly, I was taking a business class, I was reading and exercising my brain outside of that class, I was serious about modeling again & landed so many gigs, and I made sure I had proper "me" time. I felt so good about myself in general. Though things were far from perfect, I was able to suppress my anxiety and move forward with life.

Now, all I really do is work. I wake up in the mornings, have a cup of coffee, watch the news or Boy Meets World, eat breakfast, shower/get ready for the day, work eight hours or so, come home, eat dinner (I rarely cook anymore), and play a video game or watch TV. I'll go out to see my friends on occasion, but I rarely want to use my energy to pretty myself up enough to leave the house. Most times I sit and stare into my closet, start to tear up, and stay home because I don't think any of it will look good on me. It's sad, and I know it! I'm lacking passion and it feels awful.

What am I going to do about it? I'm, for one, going to start making weekly meal plans again. Not only does it eliminate any frustration around the 'what's for dinner?' dilemma, it's so much easier to stick to my budget when grocery shopping! It also makes me want to cook because I know what to do. I'm going to get my butt back into the gym. As smelly as it can be and as much as I hate it when guys stare, it's essential for my happiness and my health. I'm also going to make the best effort I can to figure out, once and for all, what I want to do in my life right now. I'm always complaining that I can't figure out what to do next because there are so many things I want to do. Great. So I have a lot of goals in life… is that such a bad thing? Not at all!

It's time to suck it up, face my fears, and start making a better life for myself… again.

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