July 15, 2011

He Who Does Not Weep, Does Not See

Here we are again, another One Tree Hill reference. This time it's about death. I'm watching the episode where a high school student is shot and killed for no good reason. Not that there ever is one when someone is shot, but in this case the shooter had no connection to the victim.

Anyway, I find myself crying each time I watch this episode a.) because it's sad and b.) because death/dying is something that has always frightened me.

I think what scares me the most is how someone's life can end in an instant - one minute we're here and the next we're gone… forever. No one knows when it will happen. And everyone will say, 'it was there time to go.' But was it really? How does that make it okay? How does it make their sudden absence easier to cope with? I don't understand any of it.

This fear eats away at me inside too often but I can't shake it.

I think back to a couple of months ago when I saw that woman hit and killed by the train and I was traumatized. I didn't even know her and some horrible things happened with me that weekend. As a result, I'm afraid of how I'll react when someone close to me dies. I've yet to experience the death of a loved one at an age where I'm able to comprehend it, for the most part. I lost my grandparents when I was very young and I was sad, but if it were to happen these days I know it'd be worse to deal with.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I guess I'm simply putting my fear out there in hopes someone can help or explain it to me. Maybe to find someone who feels the same…

1 comment:

  1. Not counting my 1 grandparent that has passed, I have had 6 good friends pass away since I've gotten older. One being my sorority sister weeks ago. I have the hardest time accepting death because I always get angry asking "why?" and I know that I never truly get an answer and I end up working through the pain and eventually accepting it. You never really learn how to deal with death and it never gets any easier. I never want my parents to have to bury me because that just isn't the way it's supposed to be. I am, however, afraid of dying young and never having a chance to be in love and to start a family. We just have to live each day to the fullest.