January 9, 2012

How do you fix a broken heart?

I had a pretty emotional weekend that I'll dive into in a later post. Tonight I have something important to get off my chest.

I'm watching the new season of The Bachelor and tonight's episode has me crying only 20 minutes in. You see, Ben lost his father some years back and they played some home videos of them together on his first date. I think the emotions would be enough to make anyone with a big heart tear up a bit but me? Full blown crying.

Seeing someone miss their father in a loving way is hard for me. A lot harder than I expected. Just reflecting on it has me choking up again. I don't believe I'll ever feel that. It was taken from me before I ever had the chance to touch it.

This comes after an event regarding my father in LA at the One Tree Hill event and after a text I received from my Aunt saying my Dad wanted to send me something. I can't help but think these are signs that I need to make a decision about him. It's either that or this situation is showing me that it will forever haunt me and with the way I'm feeling tonight, I'm leaning towards the "or."

I'm not sure where the answers lie. I sure hope they find their way to me soon though. I want to be free and I want to be happy.

One thing I am certain of is that the best is yet to come.

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