January 19, 2012

Relations with a Stranger

Does she hate her father? On this, too, Casey Anthony sounds like she is delivering the raw, honest truth from her gut:
“I hate the fact that I don’t hate him for everything that’s done, everything that happened. I hate the fact that I still love him, little girl wishing my dad could be my dad. I can’t figure out why I don’t hate him.” Full Article here.
It's a bit scary how the words that come from Casey Anthony are exactly how I feel about the situation with my own father and how I talk about it each time I am asked.

And I don't know if it's comforting or even more scary that I can relate so much to this woman who was accused and acquitted of such an atrocious crime (major stress on accused and acquitted, as I am not here to discuss whether or not she killed her daughter).

Many of us presumed Casey had some sort of psychological problem, yet after reading this article I can effortlessly admit that I relate to her and what Dr. Danziger describes of her. I've experienced a few dauntingly traumatic events in my past and I've also been one to have "an inability to summon any true feelings from behind the dark, desperate walls of her trauma."

My own father was emotionally, physically, and sexually (not to me) abusive to the point that anyone could easily hate him, but not me. It may be that I am not a spiteful person or it's something a lot deeper. Maybe I feel some sort of attachment to him because he was the only present parent during most of my life growing up and, since my mom wasn't around to protect me, I had no choice but to look up to him and love him regardless of the abuse. I didn't know any better or any other way.
How do you handle the unspeakable,” she told Danziger. “By putting it in a little box, hiding it deep, pretending all is well. Doing that since age 8, since elementary school, I became exceedingly perfect.”
Burying my problems. Burying my pain. Pretending that my life was great when it was the furthest thing from it is what I conditioned myself to do every single day. It's not difficult for me to believe that Casey Anthony handled her situation(s) the same way I did, and still do. It's a vicious cycle that I struggle to break every day.

Now I am not trying to say that my problems and my situation is 100% identical to Casey's, because it isn't, but I am saying that, as a victim of abuse, we shouldn't always be so quick to presume and to judge because things don't look right to us, as outsiders. You never know what someone has gone through, is going through. Even when everything that is presented to you looks suspicious, you do not know and therefore have no right to falsely accuse or judge.

Whether Casey Anthony did kill her daughter and is an expert liar and manipulator or she was involved in a situation she had little control over due to her conditioning based on past traumatic events — we may never know. All I know is that because of everything I've been through, I am okay with giving people (even those who look incredibly guilty) the benefit of the doubt. Because let's face it... you think you know, but you have NO idea.

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