March 29, 2012

Lately...

I've been going through a hard time - probably one of the most challenging emotionally.

It's been hard opening up to family/friends about it because, well, there's a lot. And a lot of it is pretty dark.

As much as I think I'm not worried about being judged, I am. All I want is to be heard. I just want people to listen to how I'm feeling, to my words without any comments or criticism.

I know not everyone will understand but I hope that I am shown respect. Anxiety, depression, problems, and trauma… they're all real and they are all real scary. I don't exaggerate or seek attention when I say that I am depressed or when I talk about my problems. Not even when I say I've had some bad/selfish thoughts about my situation lately.

I speak up because I am tired of facing the darkness alone. I speak up because I need help. I also speak up for those who can't because I know they are out there… I know because I used to be one of them.

The last few months I've been desperately searching for answers or signs and while I've read and heard some great things, it wasn't until this morning that I found the sign I was looking for in the most unexpected place - from a stranger.

Enter Amber. I stumbled on her Twitter this morning which lead me to her blog and to a shockingly perfect reference to what I am experiencing. And just like that, I don't feel so alone.

"As I lay in my bed, trying to catch my breath, my mind raced with a million thoughts. I couldn’t hear myself. I felt anger at other people for the choices I had made. I regretted not working on what I knew I was meant to be doing. I wondered why I had stopped writing. I questioned the commitment and promises I had made to both a project and person that weren’t aligned with my true desires.

“How did I get here?” I thought to myself."


Reading on I was happy to hear that she was able to find what she was looking for by cutting ties with that which wasn't serving her happiness or purpose. I'm not there yet but my hope that I will be one day has been restored.


So as of today, that's where I'm at and it's better than where I was yesterday. Thank you, Amber!

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