Life as Lolly

Project 365 - Week 5

2012-02-05T12:37:00.000-08:00

I am very happy with this last week in photos. Life on the other hand has given me some reasons to cry, but all in the name of clarity and growth. Please enjoy a little sneak peek into my life last week.

Day 29: A & I started juicing last week and these were all of the fruit and veggies we picked up at the farmer's market along with my fortune from the night before.

Day 30: One of our first juices involved kale, carrots, apple, beets, and ginger. It was earthy but surprisingly good!

Day 31: Pistachios. Drinking only juiced fruits and vegetables for breakfast and lunch may be nutritious but certainly not filling in the beginning, so those guys have been lifesavers!

Day 32: Coffee isn't exactly a part of the juicing cleanse but I couldn't go any longer without it. Thanks to A for this photo.

Day 33: The juice program provided some salad and soup recipes that you could eat, so I made a simple yet delicious vegetable soup.

Day 34: My current weight. I started the juice cleanse at 150 lbs and after a week, I've lost 6 lbs. Success!

Day 35: First night out in a very long time. It felt good and I got to debut my new shoes! Glitter and pink... what could be better?

Recipe: Grapefruit, Carrot, and Ginger Juice

2012-01-29T14:30:00.000-08:00

If you're looking for a way to start your morning off right, look no further. The carrots in this deliver a blast of immunity-boosting vitamin C and enough fiber to sustain you until your first snack or next meal.

Photo Credit

This juice is delicious. The ginger lingered on my tongue for a while after, though, so I may cut back next time I make this juice. Otherwise, I highly recommend it.

Project 365 - Week 4

2012-01-29T09:37:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday which means I am linking up again with Laura at Between the Lines for a Project 365 update. I hope you enjoy a little peak into the last week of my life.

Day 22: Blue Bottle Coffee is a staple here in the Silicon Valley. One of our favorite little cafe/yogurt shops re-opened in a larger space this week so we've been stopping in regularly for a pick-me-up.

Day 23: I see a lot of these shots on Instagram so I decided to try it out at another cafe close to my office. I love the texture of the floor. Otherwise, I could use some practice.

Day 24: Another leg/feet shot in my office. I thought the different colors and such turned out well! This photo was also part of a little inside joke at work which I can't reveal here. That is why it's the photo for today!

Day 25: This is the door to my therapist's little office that I visit every Thursday. I can't believe I've been seeing her weekly since October. How time flies!

Day 26: Can you spot the octopus? I know, I'm a dork. I thought it was cute so decided it would be my photo for this uneventful day.

Day 27: Some co-workers and I went out for happy hour after work today and it was a lot of fun. It had been a while and it was a lot of fun. This photo was hanging in the bathroom and it resonated with me - ;)

Day 28: A and I are starting a 15 day juicing reboot tomorrow so as my last meal, I wanted spicy miso ramen. I can't have enough!

January Sponsor Love!

2012-01-24T10:36:00.000-08:00

I'm currently a sponsor on two of my most favorite blogs - Between the Lines and Julie Ann Art - so I thought I'd give them both a quick shout out.

I've known Laura now for years and years. We became friends on Livejournal way back in, oh I'd say, 2004/05. It has been a lovely journey getting to know her and following her every day life.

Her blog is full of wonderful things including baby and motherhood stories, beauty and fashion advice, giveaways, recipes, and some beautiful photography. And Laura, well, she is a woman of many colors and they are all beautiful! I have to say that I admire her in many ways and feel very lucky to know her.

Then there is Julie. We're newer friends and I have to say I am also lucky to know her. We have a scarily (in a good way) similar background story as far as our moves to California go. We both moved out here for a better life and for live and have had many of the same struggles. I knew I wasn't alone in mine but it's been nice knowing someone so sweet and inspiring who can relate.

Julie's blog is full of, well you guessed it, art! She is extremely crafty and creative which translates into DIY type posts as well as a successful Etsy shop. She also has a fabulous fashion sense - ;)

I urge you to check both of them out right away!

How To Simplify Your Life

2012-01-23T13:57:00.000-08:00

Simplification can be a scary term. I don't know about you, but I'm more willing to say yes to new things than no which means my plate is continuously overflowing.

Yes, I'll raise money for this charity and this one and this one, oh and that one too. Yes, I'll come to your birthday party. Yes, I'll research that for you. Yes, I'll participate in these blog memes. Yes, I'll take a look at that for you. Yes, I'll listen. Yes, I'll be happy to answer your questions. ~~Yes, I have a life.~~

With all that is accessible to us thanks to technology these days, opportunities are seemingly endless. There is always a new social app to try out, more ways to share your life and photos, more networks to be a part of. I am incredibly guilty of wanting to be a part of it all so I don't miss out on anything, when really I am missing out on something big - my own life.

It's so easy to get wrapped up in the latest trends that you forget to take care of what's most important and I've been soul-searching for a solution. Today, I found one. ThinkSimpleNow.com published an article titled "Simplify Your Life This Year" and every bit of it rung true for me.

The main point they made is that you need to make a firm commitment to the most important things in your life. They suggest narrowing it down to three things. Of course that doesn't mean you only limit yourself to only those three things, but it does mean that your focus should remain on ensuring those are fulfilled before anything else. In order to decide on the three, they provided five questions to ask yourself.

What are the three things most important to my life?

How much time am I currently devoting towards them in a day/week?

How much time do I want to start dedicating towards them to justify their importance?

What do I need to do to make that happen?

What am I willing to let go so that I have more time for it?

I'm going to take a few days to answer these questions myself. I'll be sure to share them here when I'm ready. If you're feeling the same as I have been lately, I hope this helps.

If you're interested, read the full article on ThinkSimpleNow.com!

Project 365 - Week 3

2012-01-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Sunday! Linking up with Laura at Between the Lines for another Project 365 update. Late again, I might add. I don't know what happens to me on the weekends. I feel like I never make time for things.

Day 15 - Finally took some time for "me" that involved budgeting, meal-planning, scheduling (let's be serious, I bought myself a nice new planner and have no plans to write in it), and blogging.

Day 16 - After owning the paper towel holder for, I'd safely say, a year we finally put it up! Small pleasures ;)

Day 17 - Nothing too special about this day, so we have a nice nature photo while stopped at the bank.

Day 18 - We babysat Jasper and had dinner at State Bird Provisions in SF. If you're ever in the area, you MUST eat there. Best meal you'll have, I promise.

Day 19 - Crepes for lunch. This crepe has been coined the "Lolly" as it's semi-custom ordered and it's all I order at the bistro.

Day 20 - Had dinner with a couple friends who now live in Santa Cruz. We don't see them too often anymore so it was really nice. This is Romeo, their cute dog!

Day 21 - A friend I know on Twitter tweeted about a couple books he finished reading and this was one of them. I told him it sounded interesting, as I am totally into charity work, so he sent it to me on his company's dollar. Very sweet! I can't wait to dive in.

Q&A Fridays at Life as Lolly

2012-01-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

In an effort to continuously better and challenge myself, I purchased Q&A a day a few weeks ago. It was also a purchase I thought would take me offline a bit in regards to journaling but it hasn't been working out so well. I thought it would be a fun idea to include any of you who would be interested. Therefore, every Friday (or possibly late Thursday evening as I am on the West Coast) I will post a weeks worth of questions and y'all can link up. How does that sound?

These questions can get a little personal so you're free to exclude any that you'd prefer not to answer publicly. I also don't have a button/graphic to go along with this yet, hopefully by next week.

{1} Are you holding a grudge? About?
My initial response to this question is no, but when I really think about everything with my father I have to say yes. Though it's not as intense of a feeling as I expect when holding a grudge, I do believe I am holding one because of all of the damage that's ensued since those fateful days in 2004.

{2} What are you looking forward to?
I am looking forward to happier times. I have many reasons to be happy with my life right now, and I am, but the depression makes it hard to feel happy. I am also looking forward to a few vacations this year; frequent trips to Los Angeles and Long Beach/OC to visit friends, a trip home to Buffalo finally, and hopefully a trip to Florida and Disney in December for Adam's graduation and an early Christmas with family.

{3} Are you seeking security or adventure?
I'd like to say both but for the sake of answering the question, adventure mostly. Security is definitely nice but when I think of it, it screams out boring to me. And while adventure could potentially be dangerous, it is more enticing. A & I have been talking a lot about this topic lately and he's encouraged me to take more risks because I'm turning 26 this year and have barely begun to truly live yet.

{4} Do you need a break? From what?
You know, I think that I do. I can't publicly speak too much about from what but I could use a break from the stresses of life to just be with myself for a little while. We all need that from time to time.

{5} If you were going to start your own company, what would it be?
Good question! The first idea that comes to mind is a non-profit of some sort, but it would have to be something pretty different from what everyone else is doing. I just want to help others and have a good time doing it.

{6} What makes "you" you?
I'd have to say my stubbornness and quick tongue. Both traits aren't exactly ideal, but everyone who knows me knows how stubborn, blunt, and outspoken I can be at times. Along with those I think my kind-heart makes "me" me. Though I went through a time of being a bully, I've always wanted the best for everyone and still do. My heart is full of love and kindness and I want to share that with everyone!

{7} Today you need more ______.
Good health! I've been battling something for the last two months and the doctor suggested it was something that I don't believe it is. Time to go back.

I hope to see a few of you linking up. If you enjoy it, please share with your networks. Happy Friday, all! Xo

Relations with a Stranger

2012-01-19T18:35:00.000-08:00

Does she hate her father? On this, too, Casey Anthony sounds like she is delivering the raw, honest truth from her gut:
“I hate the fact that I don’t hate him for everything that’s done, everything that happened. I hate the fact that I still love him, little girl wishing my dad could be my dad. I can’t figure out why I don’t hate him.” Full Article here.

It's a bit scary how the words that come from Casey Anthony are exactly how I feel about the situation with my own father and how I talk about it each time I am asked.

And I don't know if it's comforting or even more scary that I can relate so much to this woman who was accused and acquitted of such an atrocious crime (major stress on accused and acquitted, as I am not here to discuss whether or not she killed her daughter).

Many of us presumed Casey had some sort of psychological problem, yet after reading this article I can effortlessly admit that I relate to her and what Dr. Danziger describes of her. I've experienced a few dauntingly traumatic events in my past and I've also been one to have "an inability to summon any true feelings from behind the dark, desperate walls of her trauma."

My own father was emotionally, physically, and sexually (not to me) abusive to the point that anyone could easily hate him, but not me. It may be that I am not a spiteful person or it's something a lot deeper. Maybe I feel some sort of attachment to him because he was the only present parent during most of my life growing up and, since my mom wasn't around to protect me, I had no choice but to look up to him and love him regardless of the abuse. I didn't know any better or any other way.

How do you handle the unspeakable,” she told Danziger. “By putting it in a little box, hiding it deep, pretending all is well. Doing that since age 8, since elementary school, I became exceedingly perfect.”

Burying my problems. Burying my pain. Pretending that my life was great when it was the furthest thing from it is what I conditioned myself to do every single day. It's not difficult for me to believe that Casey Anthony handled her situation(s) the same way I did, and still do. It's a vicious cycle that I struggle to break every day.

Now I am not trying to say that my problems and my situation is 100% identical to Casey's, because it isn't, but I am saying that, as a victim of abuse, we shouldn't always be so quick to presume and to judge because things don't look right to us, as outsiders. You never know what someone has gone through, is going through. Even when everything that is presented to you looks suspicious, you do not know and therefore have no right to falsely accuse or judge.

Whether Casey Anthony did kill her daughter and is an expert liar and manipulator or she was involved in a situation she had little control over due to her conditioning based on past traumatic events — we may never know. All I know is that because of everything I've been through, I am okay with giving people (even those who look incredibly guilty) the benefit of the doubt. Because let's face it... you think you know, but you have NO idea.

{Recipe}Pork-Stuffed Bell Peppers

2012-01-16T19:49:00.000-08:00

I bookmarked this recipe months ago and have been eager to try it, so I visited our local Farmer's Market and picked up some pretty peppers to stuff with goodness. Be sure not to forget ingredients like I did. I forgot all about the garlic and salt and pepper — how could you? I know, I know. Scatterbrained over here! Nonetheless, these turned out pretty great.

2 pounds ground pork

4 large green peppers

1 large onion

2 carrots

4 cloves of garlic

1/2 head of cauliflower

6 ounce can of tomato paste

1 tablespoon dry oregano

1 tablespoon dry or fresh tarragon

Salt and pepper to taste

↬ Cut the tops of the peppers and clean the seeds out. Arrange peppers in the Crock-Pot standing up and make sure they fit securely.

↬ Grate onion, carrots, garlic and cauliflower in the food processor. You can also just chop them into small pieces with a knife if you don’t have a food processor.

↬ In a big bowl, combine ground pork, shredded vegetables, seasonings and tomato paste. Add salt and pepper to taste.

↬ Stuff the peppers with the mixture and arrange leftover meat between the peppers. Add half a cup of water, cover and cook on low for 8-10 hours. (I cooked on high for 4 hours & they came out super)

Wah-lah! I'm not sure why that last photo is so blown out, it didn't look that way after I edited it. Ah well, just another thing I'll have to master — photo editing. Hope you enjoy this recipe if you try it.

Recipe courtesy of Mark's Daily Apple

No Desire

2012-01-16T14:22:00.000-08:00

Here we go again. More doubt. More uncertainty.

I feel like I’ve hit a wall with my social networks and my blog. I’ve been active on Twitter and my blog for the last two and a half years now and I’ve built a decent network. I’m nowhere close to where I had hoped to be, though.

Thinking about it all, I feel discouraged. Looking at my numbers, I feel discouraged.

I can only post so many quotes, inspirational sayings or articles. And as much as I know that is why most of my audience is here, I’ve grown bored with it.

Changes need to be made.

I want to write and share words that MEAN something to someone. I want my words to matter. I want to make a difference in someone’s life and though I’ve been told I help, it still doesn’t feel that way. Something big is missing.

I feel that part of my problem, if not all, is that I always look at the big picture instead of focusing on the smaller steps I need to take to get there. I envision so much for myself and seeing that I’m not there yet, or that I just can’t get there now, is frustrating.

At the end of the day, I know that I’m not doing what I’m meant to with my life because if I was, I wouldn’t be feeling the way I do day in and day out. Life is supposed to be exciting and inspiring, it’s meant to be lived. And right now, I have no desire to live it.

So even though 2012 hasn’t started off very well for me, at least it’s provided me with some perspective and I hope I am able to turn it around soon.

Project 365 - Weeks 1 and 2

2012-01-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

I'm doubling up this Sunday as I was traveling last week. Hope you enjoy this little peek into my life the last two week's. Apologies in advance as some of these photos are repeats from other memes.

Day 1: Started off the new year right with some home-made drip coffee from Blue Bottle.

Day 2: Finally had a manicure using Rainbow Connection I received for Christmas from Gwen.

Day 3: Dress shopping for Team True Beauty. Liked it but not enough to buy it.

Day 4: This game is a good stress reliever.

Day 5: One Tree Hill in LA! Epic night watching the premier with the cast and having some Q&A time afterward.

Day 6: Enjoying some yummy water out of my Water Bobble.

Day 7: With Brandi and Carrie at the Team True Beauty Even in Hollywood. Beautiful night!

Day 8: Snapped this while driving around LA.

Day 9: Enjoying some Spicy Miso soup with bad lighting.

Day 10: Work, work, work. Scheduling social media and blog posts.

Day 11: It was the Season 9 premiere of One Tree Hill. We're in the final season.

Day 12: Fun shot of a sunset in the car. Not driving - ;)

Day 13: Whole Foods catering at a birthday party last night.

Day 14: Attempting to organize my life: meal plans, budgeting, etc.

Link up at

Looking at these photos, though cool, I definitely need to take some time to really learn photography and photo shop. Until next week - Xo

Tips on Getting Comfortable with Fear

2012-01-13T11:09:00.000-08:00

Fear. It's inevitable. We're all scared of something or someone, and many times we let that fear get the best of us. We allow ourselves to be consumed by it to the point where we run and never visit that fearful place again. It's a common practice but it's not okay.

Recently I've been facing my biggest fears head on, not an easy task but one that is incredibly rewarding. And just as many things have come to me in crucial moments, this morning I came across an article on Tiny Buddah about fear.

The writer shares her experience with fear and some tips (which I've amended some based on my experience) on how we can all start to face it, and overcome it.

I hope they help you as much as I know they will help me.

1. Get comfortable with fear.
Invite fear into your life. When you fear something, move toward it. Feel it, and breathe through it.

Do the things that frighten you, for action builds courage. Tell yourself, “This fear will pass.” Your world expands as your courage expands.

2. Make your dominant thoughts positive.
This goes along with my motto "change your thoughts, change your life."

Positive thoughts attract positive happenings. Instead of expecting the worst, train your mind to expect the best. Make positive assumptions about your future and watch the beauty unfold.

3. Don’t give time, attention, or energy to fear.
Hold yourself accountable. Be consistent, be prepared, be dependable, and focus on solutions.

Be innovative, take the initiative, and go the extra mile. If you don’t take action despite your fear, opportunity will pass you by.

4. Never dwell on scarcity.
Learn to think, speak, and live as an abundant person. Celebrate what you have and be generous with it.

Focus your attention on being ready, willing, and prepared for the beauty, wonder, connections, good fortune, and favorable circumstances that are yours if you are willing to work and be open to it.

5. Revisit your victories.
This one is very important. Strengthen your belief in yourself by reflecting on every success you’ve experienced. Did you get a promotion at work? Have you been able to cross things off your to-do list? Did you get a good grade?

Close your eyes and feel the celebratory emotion of each one. Bring the same drive, persistence, and talent into now and allow it to inspire and motivate you.

6. Live vicariously through the victories of others.
Use the success stories of others as fuel. Read how the Brooklyn Bridge was built. Study the success of Steve Jobs, Walt Disney, Steven Spielberg, and Oprah Winfrey. Take note of the courage they developed and follow their path to greatness.

7. Ask your family and friends for encouragement.
Family and friends can see our strength when we forget we have it. If you have the courage to ask, they won't hesitate to remind you of all trials and triumphs you have come through.

8. Create a support group of friends or colleagues.
Robert Folgrum said it best in his book, All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “When you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.” Sticking together makes tough times easier and easier times more fun!

9. Plan to be great.
Step into your power and dream big. Follow it up with calculated risks and deliberate action steps. Have no doubt about your success. Your dreams are at stake here!

You have the power to do what it takes to break through any obstacles that stand in the way of yourself, your dreams, and your happiness.

Insta-Friday!

2012-01-13T07:36:00.000-08:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

One reason I love Southern California - so pretty.

From a recent road trip - I miss the rain.

Trying to be 'artistic' but it didn't work so well.

Water bobble! If you don't have one, get one.

One of many photos from One Tree Hill in LA. Epic night!

Brandi, Carrie, and myself at the Team True Beauty event.

Shantel is one of the sweetest ladies around.

We had a meaningful talk & I look forward to connecting with her again soon.

Xo.

How do you fix a broken heart?

2012-01-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty emotional weekend that I'll dive into in a later post. Tonight I have something important to get off my chest.

I'm watching the new season of The Bachelor and tonight's episode has me crying only 20 minutes in. You see, Ben lost his father some years back and they played some home videos of them together on his first date. I think the emotions would be enough to make anyone with a big heart tear up a bit but me? Full blown crying.

Seeing someone miss their father in a loving way is hard for me. A lot harder than I expected. Just reflecting on it has me choking up again. I don't believe I'll ever feel that. It was taken from me before I ever had the chance to touch it.

This comes after an event regarding my father in LA at the One Tree Hill event and after a text I received from my Aunt saying my Dad wanted to send me something. I can't help but think these are signs that I need to make a decision about him. It's either that or this situation is showing me that it will forever haunt me and with the way I'm feeling tonight, I'm leaning towards the "or."

I'm not sure where the answers lie. I sure hope they find their way to me soon though. I want to be free and I want to be happy.

One thing I am certain of is that the best is yet to come.

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2012-01-04T10:14:00.000-08:00

Here we go with the first WILW on the New Year (which I totally forgot about)!

[One] I'm loving the New Year. As stressful as it's been for me I appreciate the fresh start and look forward to say YES more this year.

[Two] My LA trip tomorrow through Sunday. There is so much going on: One Tree Hill in LA, hangouts with some lovely ladies, and the Team True Beauty event on Saturday. I'm somewhat stressed but very excited!

[Three] Project 365. I've tried it a couple times before and failed, miserable. It's Day 4 and I'm doing pretty good so far. Below are my photos from the first three days.

[Four] Sophia Bush. I mean, I know y'all already know this but I'm listening to a podcast she's a guest on right now and she's pretty damn hilarious. If you want to check it out - http://t.co/CCU8s9Y

Xo.

Accepting & Embracing Change

2012-01-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

Does anyone else open Word to type up an entry and spend the first 5 minutes selecting a font you enjoy, because otherwise you can’t finish your thoughts? Yeah, it’s awful. Anyways…

I have a problem (besides the aforementioned).

I yearn to be everything to everyone. I want to help the world. I want to be everyone's friend. As much as it's a great gesture, it's hindering my growth and ultimately my happiness.

Ever since I moved to California in 2007 I've struggled with friendships. I wanted so desperately to replace the ones I lost through the move and it took me years to realize that wasn't possible. Though since realizing this, it still hasn't been easy.

I haven't yet discovered why it's been so hard to maintain meaningful friendships, but I read a few things this morning that made me think. If you're feeling the same way, I hope the words resonate with you as well.

"You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of."

"It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever."

I have a hard time accepting the fact that people and priorities change because while it’s happening, you think you’re the problem and that you didn’t do enough for that person. When in fact, it’s a natural progression. Just as romantic relationships fail, so do friendships.

I known that the notion of quality over quantity is true, but I have yet to put it into practice. I think it’s because I’ve had so many failed friendships that I believe having as many as possible is, in a sense, protecting myself. But it’s not and I can’t keep doing this to myself.

In order to grow, and move forward, I have to start stepping up and I have to start being more accepting. If I feel a friend isn’t being much of a friend I have to either tell them how I feel or let go because being in limbo is only hurting me.

I have a feeling 2012 will be a year of letting go. I’ve held onto too much for so long.

Lolly's Twenty-Eleven in Review

2011-12-31T10:01:00.000-08:00

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
- Met Katy Perry. Had a popular image on Instagram. Saw Britney Spears, the Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Foster the People, and Katy Perry live. Danced on stage twice with Katy Perry & spent a moment with her while she took my iPhone to snap a photo. Ran a 5K. Met Sophia Bush. Raised over $2,000 for various charities. Went to Universal Orlando. Bought a new car. Dyed my hair blonde.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I did! View them here. I was a better blogger & Crowdriser. I bought a new car and took a new gym class, kickboxing for a while.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- If my memory serves me right, no one close but a few friends gave birth to some beautiful babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
- Again, no one close to me but I did hear that a few family members passed away.

5. What countries did you visit?
- Didn't leave the country this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
- A nicer apartment, kittens, bigger paychecks so I can donate more money, less anxiety, pretty hair that's easier to manage, a budget that I can stick to, and a healthier savings account.

7. What date(s) from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- Late January was when I met Katy Perry for the first time at Facebook HQ.

- The end of July when I ran the San Francisco Marathon 5K & met Sophia Bush and Rob from Crowdrise.
- The BSB/NKOTB concert in July. Our upgraded seats, acknowledgments from the guys, and the tweet from Donnie at the end of the night.

- All of the days we spent with our nephew, Jasper. Every moment is a new, cherished memory.

- Our visit to Orange County in early December. We spent quality time with close friends.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- Recognition of my efforts to inspire the lives of others

- Completing the 5K at the SF Marathon

- Raising over $1300 in August for my Birthday for Love is Louder

- Facing my fears and starting therapy.

9. What was your biggest failure?
- Not doing enough to be able to afford a trip home for the Holidays, again.

- Gaining weight
- Letting my fears get the best of me

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Nothing major.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Donations to projects on Crowdrise

- Our Mazda

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- Mine, for seeing a therapist to fight my demons.
- Adam, for his continued hard work at his career, school and his life.
- My Grandma, she made some tough life changes in order to be healthier and happier

13. Whose behavior made you offended and/or upset?
- I have had my fair share of disappointments but it's not my place to play the name game.

14. Where did most of your money go?
- Bills and donations.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- KATY PERRY!

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
"Pumped Up Kicks" — Foster the People
"Without You"—
"You and I" Lady Gaga —
"Tonight" — NKOTB
"These Days" — Foo Fighters
"Til the World Ends" — Britney Spears

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: happier or sadder?
- I've felt sad more often due to depression but overall, happier.

: thinner or fatter?
- Fatter.

: richer or poorer?
- Richer, and not just money-wise.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
- Modeling. Maintaining my weight. Traveling. Being creative. Following through with plans.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
- Being unproductive. Eating crap. Wasting time.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
- Spent it with Adam and his family.

21. Any trips planned for 2012?
Definite: Los Angeles in January and Florida in December. Wishlist: Buffalo/NYC, North Carolina, Seattle, and Denver.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
- Nope.

23. How many one-night stands?
- Zero.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
- One Tree Hill, Dexter, Beyond Scared Straight, Pan Am, Wipeout, Tori & Dean, most shows on ID Discovery.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
- I don't hate anyone.

26. What was the best book you read?
- Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- Foster the People and I got into Adele a bit more.

28. What did you want and get?
- I wanted happiness and was shown a lot of it this year. I also wanted to see family and friends and was able to see Catherine and my sister - :)

29. How much did you change from this time last year until now?
- Every year makes me wiser in different ways and I've certainly 'grown up' a bit more. I have a long way to go to be the person I'd like to be but I'm getting there.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
- I swear I only went to see a new movie maybe twice, but wouldn't say either are my favorite of the year. I guess I don't have any.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- I turned 25 (ahhh!) and since it was on a Monday, some girlfriends and I partied in SF that weekend and it was a lot of fun!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- More money. It's not being greedy, I would just like to live a comfortable life with little worries about when money is coming in again. I'd also like the opportunity to share more of it with those in need.

- Time with family would have been nice, too. And seeing more of my old friends.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
- Black. Still wearing a lot of black and over-sized tops. I need to hire a stylist in the new year. It's to a point that I decide not to go out because I don't like my clothes.

34. What/who kept you sane?
- Adam, he's always very understanding of what I'm going through.
- Music, it always keeps me sane. Though I didn't rely on it as much this year as I have in the past, it was still there for me when I needed it to be.
- Monica, she's a beautiful soul and I'm lucky to have her as one of my best friends.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- Katy Perry, duh!

36. What news/political issue stirred you the most?
- All of the bullying and teenage suicides. The tsunami in Japan. Steve Jobs passing away. Arizona Shooting/Gabrielle Giffords. The Casey Anthony trial. The US Troops coming home!

37. Who did you miss?
- My Mom, my sister & family, my Grandma, Kristen, Lauren, Ashton, Alycia & family, and friends all over the country.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
- Brandi, Michelle and Kristen Gray (haven't officially met yet, but soon enough), Sophia, and various OTH family members via Twitter.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
- If you don't take responsibility for your life, it could easily eat you alive. It's important to be honest with yourself about what's right for you, what you deserve, and what needs to be changed.
- Being vulnerable doesn't mean you're weak. It actually means you're strong enough to be honest and to step up in order to make things right.
- No matter what happens to you, keep positive. The moments that are the hardest to bear are the moments you have to remain your strongest. It will all work out, you just have to believe.

Goal-Setting for 2012

2011-12-30T21:56:00.002-08:00

Setting a goal is more than simply knowing what you want and writing it down. It's about making a commitment to yourself that you will no longer settle for less than you deserve. It's about setting a fire in your heart that burns in the middle of the night keeping you awake because you know you're not there yet!

Twenty-eleven has come and gone in a flash (flash! ahhhh... anyway), almost to the point where it's left my head spinning. Looking back I accomplished a lot, though many of the things weren't what I listed as goals or resolutions for the year, I am extremely proud of myself. It also goes to show that setting resolutions isn't always imperative, but allowing yourself to have goals and be flexible with them is.

Here is my list of goals for 2012, the last year of our lives (no, I don't really believe it).

Follow through

I'm horrible at following through with plans and things. A lot of it has to do with my anxiety but I've been letting it get the best of me for too long now. It's to the point where I can't make excuses anymore. If I want to heal and grow, I have to stop letting my anxiety prevent me from getting out there and living life. I am constantly setting goals for myself (sometimes daily) and rarely accomplish any of them because I am had at following through. Time to change that!

Build my Blog network

I love to write, it's one of my few passions in life I've had since childhood. I feel that, though I've been blogging for a year, I haven't been dedicating the proper time to writing and that is something I want to change this year. In addition to sharing tales of my life, I want to write material that is inspiring and meaningful.

Be healthy/more active

I'm not going to set any weight goals for myself as I feel they only make it harder to get off the couch. Numbers can be a scary thing and I don't have a whole lot of weight to lose anyway. This is more about being active and maintaining a healthier lifestyle. Even if I only take one yoga class a week and walk around the block everyday after lunch at work, it's more than I'm doing now.

Read more

Reading is another thing I really enjoy. Getting lost in a good book with a cup of tea (and sometimes a bubble bath)… ahh, nothing better! If you have any suggestions, please let me know in the comments. I don't want to limit myself to just books, though, there are plenty of blogs and articles online with useful information. So, read more, is a good goal.

Be a better friend

I always say that I am a good friend, and I do believe it, but something tells me I'm not being the best friend that I could be. I tend to spread myself extremely thin in most aspects of my life and this includes friendships. Quality over quantity, it's easy to forget that at times. I think if I start to focus on those friends who put forth effort to be in my life, it'll be a lot easier to feel like I have meaningful friendships.

Volunteer more

For the last year I've been raising money for various charities, $2,639 to be exact. And while raising money is important and empowering, I want to get out there and get my hands dirty. Being in the thick of it, I believe, will only drive me more to help - be it raising money, building a home or school, or giving speeches.

Run another marathon

The San Francisco Marathon was a life-changer for me. Not only did I accomplish what seemed an impossible goal of running a 5K, but I raised over $400 for The Nature Conservancy and celebrated it all alongside Sophia Bush. The satisfaction of crossing the finish line (and not dying) is one of the best feelings in the world. I want to feel it again.

Cook more

I love to cook and share my recipes with y'all, but I have a hard time sticking to it, again with the following through. There are weeks I am great with meal planning/cooking and then I go weeks being lazy about it and that is when we spend more money on meals out. I have to stop being lazy and just do it. Besides, recipes is a main category now on my blog so it's a must that I cook on a regular basis.

Whether you're setting goals or resolutions for the new year, let's all get passionate about making 2012 our best year yet! Happy New Year, loves! Xo

The One That Got Away

2011-12-30T12:29:00.000-08:00

My heart is sad today. Russell has filed for divorce from Katy. I know I don't know them personally but I have admired Katy for a long time now and generally, I just want everyone to be happy. I'm sure they had their share of happy and loving moments and I hope they both find happiness again.

Stemming from this news, I have to say that it pisses me off to see people commenting how celebrities ruin marriage and such. It's disrespectful and shows how ignorant people can be. Celebrities are people like you and I, they simply have more notoriety and money. They're still allowed to fall in love and marry if they so please. I do believe that being in the public eye, along with hectic schedules, makes it harder to maintain healthy relationships and marriages so they should perhaps take more time to work on things, but just because they're celebs and it doesn't work out doesn't mean they're ruining anything. It simply means their divorces and separations are reported more.

In regards to Katy and Russell, they did it the right way too. They married in a private ceremony that wasn't televised (*cough* Kim K *cough*) and were surrounded by a smaller group of loved ones. I believe they took marriage a lot more seriously than some others do and that makes it even more sad to hear the news.

I was totally hoping for Katy babies, too - :(

Wishing both Katy and Russell nothing but the best in the new year. Xo

Happy Blogoversary to Me!

2011-12-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

Today is my official one-year blogoversary. Looking back, I can't believe it's only been a year since I've been an active blogger, it seems so much longer. I've had a blogger account since 2005 and have tried and failed numerous times, but it's been a year and I'm proud of myself! I have to thank all of my friends and followers, without you I wouldn't have as much inspiration to write, nor would I feel so successful.

In celebration, you may notice a brand-spanking new layout! One of my best friends is a talented designer and made this this beauty. If you're ever in need of a new layout or graphics for anything, visit Kristen at Hello Monday Designs!

I have also put together a list of some of my favorite entries from the last year.

Strategies for Success

Viewing Yourself in the Right Light

8 Tips for a Happier, Healther Life!

If You Really Knew Me

Werkin' It For Katy Perry & Halloween!

To Be or not To Be... Prepared

When Dreams Hinder Growth

On the Edge of Glory

Sending Letters to Myself

Ways to Give Back this Holiday Season

In addition, I'm excited to share the entries that were the most popular with you, the readers! It's so nice to see that some of my favorites were yours as well.

Happiness is a Mood, Not a Destination

Completely Heart-Broken

If You Really Knew Me

On the Edge of Glory

Sending Letters to Myself

Kicked Down and Forced to Fight

Ways to Give Back this Holiday Season

In one year I've managed to gain 138 followers (thank you!) as well as 33,719 blog views. That's not many views compared to some of you, but I'm happy with it and I'm sure it will grow as the years pass. I've also managed to completely change my appearance, which is always fun to see.

Me this time last year.

The current Lolly - :)

Over the last year I've maintained some old and gained many new amazing friends in the blogosphere. It feels good to be apart of such an inspiring and supportive community. I'm looking forward to 2012 and will be working hard to make it an even greater year for blogging. Xo

Help Me Choose a Winner!

2011-12-29T12:59:00.000-08:00

Next weekend I'm attending the Team True Beauty 1-Year Anniversary event in Hollywood. Not only will I be surrounded my many friends and many more inspiring women, but I will be walking the red carpet!

This is where y'all come in — I'm having the worst time deciding on a gown. Below are some of my final picks. Please tell me your thoughts and what your favorites are - :)

1. Glitz Gown by Badgley Mischka

I pretty much love everything about this gown.

The top isn't my favorite but I think it's gorgeous over all.

2. Gold Glam by Blugirl

I fell in love with this one until I saw the back. I think it ruins the dress :-/

3. Ruffles in Red by Badgley Mischka

Normally I wouldn't choose red but I'm LOVING this one.

4. Party All Night by Badgley Mischka

I wanted to stay away from my staple color, black, but this is so pretty.

It's definitely a front runner for me.

5. Screen Siren by Badgley Mischka

Stunning, right? I really love this one but I feel it isn't form-fitting enough.

And if you're caught at the wrong angle, it won't be flattering.

There they are! I'll definitely order one of these but I'm also going to go out tomorrow and Saturday to some shops to see if I can find anything better since I'll be able to actually try it on well before the event.

Picking the right one is making me so nervous. It's going to be a magical night so I want to feel just as good!

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-12-28T16:37:00.000-08:00

The last WILW I wrote about how it was almost Christmas and now? It's all over. I'm sad. The older I get, the faster the Holidays go by and it doesn't make for a happy Lolly. Nevertheless, there are always things to be grateful for and to love. Here we go!

My nephew. It's incredible how much joy a child can bring to your life. We spent the last week watching him while his parents wrapped up everything for their restaurant that opens this weekend. Today is the first day of not watching him and it feels weird. I miss him already!

Los Angeles Vaca. About this time next week I'll be on my way to Los Angeles for the most fabulous start to the new year. On Thursday I'll be attending An Evening with One Tree Hill where a select number of fans get to see a pre-screening of the new season along with many of the cast members. There will be some Q&A and I couldn't be more thankful for the opportunity to experience it. I know there's going to be a lot of laughter and tears. I'll also be down there for the Team True Beauty event where I'll be walking the red carpet, socializing with some of the most influential and empowering women I know, and meeting some of my favorite friends I know on Twitter. I cannot wait to see these girls!

Break from Work. This is something I'm loving but not loving at the same time. A and I both took the last week and a half off of this year so we could simply take a break from the stresses at work and also to watch Jasper. Unfortunately, I've had to spend some hours of my vacation working —granted it's from home, which is nice, but it hasn't helped my stress levels at all. It's day 8 of this 'break' and I haven't had a chance to relax yet. It doesn't help that there is so much to do for work and knowing that I'll only have 3 days in the office before I leave for LA.

My fiancé. I've never met someone so accepting of who I am. We've been to the depths of hell and back with each other and though we're still going through some rough times, he remains as patient as possible. He has a heart of gold and I'm very lucky that he loves me.

Under the Sea with Jasper

2011-12-27T15:25:00.000-08:00

We took Jasper to the Steinhart Aquarium: California Academy of Sciences last week and he had a blast! Lots of "ooh's" and "whoa's" came out of his mouth while he ran around and checked out all of the fishies. He also had the best bed-head ever that day.

Aren't those photos amazing? My favorite is the last one — the colors and his expression at the immensity of it all are astonishing. A and I enjoyed our experience with him there, it was so special.

The Day After Christmas

2011-12-26T13:13:00.000-08:00

Babysitting our nephew again today and he's napping, therefore the best opportunity to share how our Christmas went.

To put it out there, I cannot believe Christmas has come and gone again. I swear it goes by faster and faster each year and I don't like it. The Holidays are my favorite time of year and to see them pass by so quickly breaks my fragile heart. Though they're never as magical as when I was younger, they still make me happy.

Adam and I open one gift each on Christmas Eve; I gave him a pour over coffee set from Blue Bottle that included coffee beans, filters, and the ceramic dripper and he gave me a pair of Victoria's Secret yoga pants with a gift card. They're really cute but I don't have a picture & I don't seem them on their site, so you'll have to wait - ;)

Christmas morning was pleasant. We enjoyed our first drip coffee in the comfort of our own home and it was delicious. While enjoying our caffeine we opened the rest of our gifts!

Adam received from me three Xbox 360 games [Madden '11, NCAA Basketball '10, and Grand Theft Auto], a Water Bobble filter replacement, a $150 Amazon gift card to go towards a new guitar, a bag of Reese's cups, an 'A' ornament, and the traditional boxers and socks. My sister & her husband gave him Buddy Brew coffee beans.

From Adam I received an iPad2 complete with pink cover, a MAC gift card, and the VS purchases. From my sister & family I received a soup recipe book complete with 365 recipes, three soup kits, two soup bowls. From Kristen I received two cute watches I've had my eye on. I also received some money from my Mom and Aunts, which I will be donating and saving.

My sister and her husband gave Adam and I a super cute organic duvet cover that we so desperately needed, from West Elm.

We hosted a small gathering at our place this Christmas for Adam's brother, sister-in-law, nephew and Mother. It was nice having people over, we usually don't invite anyone because our place is so small, especially for the Holiday. I was distracted enough not to be sad over missing my own family. We enjoyed plenty of delicious food [cookies, cheese, eggplant & roasted pepper dip, spinach dip, turkey breast, etc], watched Elf, and opened presents. It was awesome to see Jasper learn how to open presents. We gave him one outfit [black hoodie, plaid shirt, and black pants] along with magnetic letters and numbers for the fridge. In return from Jasper and his parents we're receiving a new coffee grinder as Adam's current one is loud and on it's way to the grave. Very thankful!

I still have my dreams of what a "perfect" Christmas day would be for me, but as we relaxed on the couch last night, I felt good and I haven't felt that way on Christmas in a long time.

How was your Christmas? I can't wait to hear all about them - :)

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T22:07:00.000-08:00

Wishing all of you who celebrate, a Happy Christmas! I have so much to be thankful for and I feel very fortunate even though I'm without my family again this year.

Please remember that this is the season for joy and love, so spread it as much as you can. Whether that means giving gifts or giving hugs, everything is meaningful when it's from the heart.

I hope I'm able to update tomorrow evening, if not, I'll see you in a few days! Xo

Insta-Friday!

2011-12-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

The first two photos are from our trip to Orange County a couple weekends ago. The few of me are from a recent and rare night out. I really liked my hair and outfit! I'll share photos of my outfit soon. The rest are from the last couple of days babysitting our nephew in San Francisco. Isn't he cute? :-) We're going back up this afternoon for another round of sitting.

Talking About Christmas

2011-12-23T08:23:00.000-08:00

Discovered this fun Q&A on Space for Inspiration. I'd love to learn more about y'all from your answers so I included a Linky in case you wanted to fill this out and link to it. No pressure though - ;)

What does Christmas mean to you?
Christmas means a light and happy spirit in my heart. Though I try to keep positive throughout the year, there is something special about Christmastime and the way it makes me feel. It also means family and traditions. I haven't been able to celebrate with my own family for years now, but I am looking forward to the year that I can and the year we start our own Christmas traditions. Finally, Christmas means giving. I love to give and I love to put a smile on someone's face. It does get me into trouble financially, but in all honesty it's just money and even if I do go (way) over budget, I'll be okay.

It is simply not Christmas without...
Christmas lights! There is something magical about them and I always enjoy driving around different neighborhoods to see how they've decorated. Just thinking about it makes me smile!

Your ideal Christmas?
My ideal Christmas is one where I'm surrounded by my closest friends and family, in one place… which I hope to be a snow covered cabin in North Carolina with a fireplace and big Christmas tree. I want there to be hot drinks, good food, laughter, and good feelings all around.

Favorite Christmas movie?
Home Alone 1 & 2 will always be special to me and they are certainly two of my favorites. I also love National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (cartoon), Four Christmases, and Elf.

Number 1 Christmas song?
I'll Be Home for Christmas is definitely one that I love, but my Number 1? I'd have to go with Jingle Bell Rock or I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas. They're both in Home Alone and they both put me in the Holiday spirit more than any other.

What's on your Christmas table?
Nothing at the moment. We are hosting a small Christmas get together this year so I'm sure there will be plenty of delicious food and some decor. I'll share photos of course!

What would you love Santa to bring this year?
The self-less side of me says donations to the causes I support as well as happiness for all. The materialistic side would really love either an iPad or money to buy myself some new clothes. I've been sporting the same outfits for years now.

Your Christmas message to the world.
Cherish the memories of Christmases spent with your loved ones, they go by very fast and you never know when you may seem them again. Also, enjoy the simple things. Though it is a season of giving, those gifts don't have to be materialistic. Love and joy are so much nicer.

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-12-21T08:56:00.000-08:00

It's Wednesday and there are only 4 days left until Christmas. How. Did. This. Happen? As much as I can't believe that Christmas is right around the corner that is my first love of the day!

I'm also loving the Christmas cards I've been receiving from friends near and far. It's always nice to hear from people you don't speak to much throughout the year. The fact that they still send a Christmas card means a lot.

We have about 20 cards, but this is a small preview for now.

I'm loving that today is my first day of "stay-cation." I requested off from work today through the New Year and though I won't be in the office at all, I'll still be working quite a bit. Needless to say, I'm a bit upset but at least I can do it all in my PJs if I want - ;)

I'm loving that for the next 6 days we'll be babysitting Jasper (Adam's nephew) in San Francisco! Initially we were supposed to watch him all day and night because Adam's brother and nephew thought their restaurant would be open already, but they had to move back the date because of construction issues. Therefore, we still get to watch him but the days will be a bit shorter. Any time with Jasper is cherished and I can't wait to take him to Union Square to see the big Christmas tree and all of the lights!

I'm loving the fact that we're hosting Christmas at our home this year. Well maybe not loving it as I wanted to spend it alone this year, but at least everything that happens will be in our control. I only wish we had more space and better furniture. Something to work towards!

Finally, here are some of my Pinterest finds that I'm loving lately.

Peppermint Bark Rice Krispies

Peppermint Bark Popcorn

I have to find time later today or tomorrow to update with some dress/gown options to get opinions. I'm walking in my first red carpet event in a few short weeks and that means I need to look as good as possible - ;) Can't wait to reveal some of the choices, they are gorg! Xo

Christmas Quiz #1

2011-12-17T11:28:00.000-08:00

Took this from one of my newest blog friends, April!

Christmas Quiz

If you post your own Q+A's be sure to let me know so I can check out your holiday answers.

1. Eggnog or hot chocolate? I've tried eggnog a while ago and didn't like it. I may give it another try one of these years but for now I'll stick with hot chocolate.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Well, in my household, Santa wrapped and set them under the tree. Funny thing he had the same handwriting as my Dad - ;)

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I love colored lights but there IS a certain charm with the white ones and some houses do it so well.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? We always had some growing up but since moving out on my own, no.

5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish? When my family would get together for Christmas growing up there was a plethora of various dishes including sausage, goulash, spanish hamburgers but none I would call a favorite. These days, I'd say it's definitely spinach dip. Adam makes it every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas and this year I've devoured about 3-4 bowls of it myself. Oops! - ;)

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? I think my favorite holiday memory is simply celebrating with family. I miss waking up on Christmas morning with my sister and opening our gifts together. I miss celebrating with our closest friends on Christmas Eve. I think that feeling of excitement surrounding the Holidays is my favorite.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I'm not positive exactly when, but I know that I began noticing that Santa and the Easter Bunny had my Dad's handwriting.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Only ones at our friends' house that we got each other. My family was never one to open gifts on Christmas Eve, we always waiting until Christmas morning and day.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Growing up there was a lot of red, white, and blue mostly due to the Buffalo Bills. The past few years our tree has been all sorts of colorful. Last year we stuck with mostly red and white. This year it's colorful again.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it? Love it. And I miss it!

12. Can you ice skate? Yes. I used to be quite good at it. But it's been awhile...

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? Oh gosh. My sister got me a cute chain-link bracelet one year with a heart charm and an "L" charm, I loved it but lost it years ago. I mean, unwrapping gifts is always fun, but I don't think I've had that favorite gift yet. Still waiting for a kitten - ;)

14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you? I'm not a very religious person so for me it's all about spreading good cheer. I do believe we should always be helping one another and giving what we can, but there is something so special about this time of year. For the most part people are kinder and have a bit of skip in their step, if you will. I don't know. It's also about being with your family and loved ones, though it hasn't been that way for me in years. I can't wait to see them for Christmas again.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Christmas cookies, mainly because I love to decorate them. I also love pumpkin pie, though I feel it's more of a Thanksgiving thing. This year I hope to experiment with a few new dessert recipes.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Currently, I don't have any. Growing up it was being in the Christmas Eve play at my Church and heading to our friends' house after.

17. What tops your tree? Always a star. A nice, glittery star!

18. Which do you prefer: giving or receiving? I absolutely love wrapping and giving gifts. It's more thrilling to me than receiving. Though unwrapping can be fun, too.

19. Candy canes: yuck or yum? YUM!

20. Favorite Christmas movie? Home Alone 1 & 2, Four Christmases, Elf, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and How the Grinch Stole Christmas - the cartoon version of course!

21. Saddest Christmas song? For me it's "I'll Be Home for Christmas" because I haven't been home for Christmas in 5 years. I know I talk about it a lot but it makes me really sad. I wish money grew on trees this time of year.

22. What is your favorite Christmas song? This is very hard because I LOVE Christmas music, like LOVE it. Nothing can turn my mood around more than Christmas songs. A few that I love are Rocking Around the Christmas Tree (Brenda Lee), Little Saint Nick (Beach Boys), Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays (NSYNC), Let It Snow (Jessica Simpson), and The Most Wonderful Time of the Year (Johnny Mathis).

Fill in the Blank & Insta-Friday!

2011-12-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

My most favorite "little thing" is ... I think it would be enjoying a cup of tea or coffee on a big comfy couch, watching the rain fall outside with the fireplace going. Currently I don't have the option but I'm looking forward to when I do.

I would give anything to ... find more motivation to tackle my depression starting with getting out of bed earlier.

I can't believe ... we're in the final two weeks of the year. Seriously, I can't.

The one thing I'd like to achieve today is ... setting myself up at work for when I'm off from the 21st through Jan. 1st. I have so much to do.

The last thing I want to do today is ... curl my hair.

If I were writing my own blank today, I would say ... My favorite Holiday tradition is ... being surrounded by good friends and watching Home Alone.

My favorite candle scent is ... usually vanilla. Lately I've been loving my Red Velvet Cupcake and Peppermint Vanilla candles.

Follow me: @lollyjean

Te photos I have for Insta-Friday have already been posted on my blog for various updates, but I'll share a few of them today for the meme.

The photos are mostly from our trip to Orange County last weekend. It's crazy how fast these week flew by, I swear before I know it I'll be celebrating my 30th Birthday. Anyway, I hope y'all have a blessed Friday and a great weekend! It's a busy one for me: party tonight, Christmas shopping and a Birthday party tomorrow, and babysitting on Sunday. Xo

Christmas and Holiday Traditions

2011-12-15T15:01:00.000-08:00

Seems that many bloggers are sharing their Christmas traditions lately, so I thought I'd join in on the fun.

Christmases growing up were nice. On Christmas Eve we would celebrate our friend's Birthday at her house (they were basically family) and exchange our gifts. Each year there were tons of GOOD home-cooked food and laughter and my sister, our friends, and I would watch the Home Alone movies in their basement. I miss it every year.

The last Christmas I celebrated at home in 2006.

On Christmas Day, though the family dynamic had shifted with my Mom out of the picture at times, we were always surrounded by family (a big family at that, my Dad is one of fourteen kids). My sister and I would wake up in the morning, run out to the living room to see the presents under the tree and start with our stockings. They usually included movie tickets, socks, and scratch-off lottery tickets and though they were expected, it always brought a smile to my face. Every year at my Grandma's house (on my Dad's side) we would have the entire family over for what was always an enjoyable day. There were plenty of gifts to exchange, food to eat, and conversations to have.

When I moved in with my ex-boyfriend, traditions began to change. I would still go to my friend's house on Christmas Eve while he visited his Dad's side of the family (his family was split up too). Then on Christmas Day we would visit his Mom's side in the early afternoon and end the day with my own. During those years, my Dad was in jail so it was always a little weird with that as the elephant in the room.

Since moving out to California those traditions have ceased to exist. I haven't really spent Christmas with my family or friends in five years. Only one year did I see my Mom for it (the first Christmas I celebrated in California) and that ended very badly as I was kicked out of where I was living at the time — it's a complicated and long story. Suffice to say, though I always enjoy the Holiday season, Christmases haven't been as nice lately.

Christmas 2007. I'm surprised I haven't burned these photos.

Adam does a wonderful job making them as special as he can for me, knowing how I feel, and we've done our best to surround ourselves with good company AKA some of our best friends here, but I always end up in tears at some point.

For now, I have no new traditions to share. I hope that in the coming years new ones can be made. My sister and I have talked about a cabin in North Carolina so we can have a place to celebrate together every year with whomever decides to show up. Until then, we can only do our best to enjoy the Holidays despite our complicated family situations. And between mine and my sister's, her husband's, and Adam's… there is a lot of complications and stress.

F*ck Cancer with Sophia Bush and Myself!

2011-12-14T10:53:00.000-08:00

As we all know the Holidays are known as a time for giving, amongst other things of course. This Holiday season, Mozilla Firefox launched an amazing campaign and will donate $25k to the charity that raises the most money and my efforts are going to raising money for Sophia Bush and Fuck Cancer, also referred to as F Cancer for the non-swearing type - ;) They have set out to educate everyone to recognize crucial early warning signs of cancer and inspire them turn around and spread the word to loved ones who may be at risk.

We can save lives just by showing people how to detect early signs of cancer. Let's put an end to late stage cancer diagnosis. Here's how you can help...

Educate yourself here.
Join my team, donate and help me raise money and win $25k for this important cause.
Get the word out about early detection. Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell anyone that's willing to listen.

For those of you who need a better reason to donate, Sophia Bush is giving away a signed Fuck Cancer tee for donations of $29 and I am giving away a Crowdrise tee signed by Sophia Bush for donations of $20 to my project.

Rules to be in the running for the Crowdrise Tee signed by Sophia Bush:

Must follow me on Twitter (@lollyjean) & tell me you're following for the tee. Don't worry, you can unfollow after the campaign if you feel the need ;)
Make a donation here of $20 exactly now until Jan. 11th, 2012.
Please note in the comment of your donation that you are here to win Sophia's Signed Crowdrise Tee.

**I will be compiling a list of all $20 donations throughout the campaign and the winner will be announced on Jan. 12, 2012 as well.**

I'd love to see Sophia Bush's efforts pay off and for F Cancer to win the $25K. I hope you can join in my excitement and help us raise the most money by January 11th!

Please let me know if you have any questions. Xo

Life's Short, Eat Cookies!

2011-12-14T07:33:00.000-08:00

Taking Mondays off, or having them off of work in general, always messes me up for the rest of the week. Here I am writing this up thinking it's a different day of the week. What day? I couldn't even say, that's how tired I am. Why so tired? Adam and I took a road-trip down to Orange County over the weekend to see our niece's first ballet recital and visit some friends.

We left late Saturday night because we wanted to attend our friend's surprise Birthday party (which was awesome - he was totes surprised) and didn't roll into our hotel room until 3AM. The drive seriously felt much longer than normal, I'm sure driving so late and already being tired had something to do with it. Sunday was the only full day we had there so we got up, drove to our Peet's in Belmont Shore (Long Beach), and to our first stop which was Fashion Island to visit the Baking Betty's kiosk. Our friend's Taryn and Emily started their own cookie company two years ago and recently were able to get their first store front in the form of the kiosk. It's totally cute! They do ship their scrumptious cookies, so if you are looking for a easy and delicious Christmas gift I recommend their S'more or Oatmeal White Chocolate Chip cookies - ;)

WILW #1 - Baking Betty Cookies

Next we headed to our friend's house where we all met to drive to the venue the ballet was held at which happened to be Huntington's Boys & Girls Club. We all did some catching up while waiting in line and for the next two hours we watched various ballet performances, my favorite being the Candy Cane Janes.

WILW #2 - My adorable, funny, and sweet niece Emma!

After Emma's recital we enjoyed some of the best Pho Ga I've had yet with some friends. Then we headed back to our hotel to freshen up before meeting with more friends for dinner and drinks - don't worry, only water for me. It was such a great night. Plenty of good food and necessary (and funny) conversations. We surprised ourselves with how late we stayed out after not getting much rest from the night before. Well worth it!

We woke up Monday morning and left the hotel at 10AM for the drive back home. Usually when we visit SoCal we leave late in the afternoon but I now prefer the mornings because it's nice to get home well before 11PM. We stopped at our Peet's of course to fuel up our bodies for the long drive and off we went in the rainy weather. As we were leaving LA proper the temperature started to drop and we joked how rad it would be if it were to snow. Low and behold, it snowed! I was ecstatic. I haven't experience snowfall since I moved out here in 2007 and this Buffalo girl loves her some snow. Needless to say, those 20 minutes of snowfall were some of the best moments this year.

WILW #3 - SNOW!

We arrived home about 5PM, dropped off our stuff, and went out for some sushi. I had been craving it for weeks and boy was it yummy. I started with shrimp tempura, I'm a sucker for tempura, and enjoyed a Bay Bridge Roll which consisted of avocado and crab with mini scallops on top.

WILW #4 - Sushi!

Finally, we finished decorating our Christmas tree. There isn't a theme to it this year, just a bunch of random ornaments, colored lights, and tinsel. We still have to buy our "yearly tradition" ornament for it but other than that it's complete and oh so pretty. It's a bit lop-sided but pretty - ;)

WILW #5 - Christmas & Decorations!

It feels great having the tree decorated and with only 11 days left until Christmas (seriously, how did that happen?) I have a lot of work left to do: more decorations, sending out the rest of our cards, wrapping gifts, sending gifts, and finishing my Christmas shopping. I'm definitely looking forward to payday this week.

What else am I loving today? My gifts from A Very Bloggy Christmas swap, all of the wonderful people I've been connecting with via my blog and Twitter, red velvet scented candles, and heating pads that soothe my achy back. I don't have any Pinterest finds for y'all yet this week, haven't spent much time on it. I know, I know how could I? Have a great day!

A Very Bloggy Christmas Gift Reveal!

2011-12-13T12:12:00.000-08:00

I participated in my very first Christmas Blog Swap this year, and I'm so glad I did.

My partner in crime was Gwen and she did an amazing job shopping for me. I was seriously dying over all of the gifts. They're all SO me and there is so much glitter! I have to say, however, that seeing the gifts she got me made me feel like I didn't do as good of a job. I guess there is always next year. On to the gifts!

Gwen bought me a pink beaded pen, a cute pink notepad benefitting breast cancer, an almond butter lotion candle (which can be used for sensual massages - thank YOU haha!), two cute and glittery ornaments, a Christmasy nail care set, and my favorite of them all OPI Glitter Polish!

Isn't that polish to die for? Seriously, I cannot wait to get my nails done now.

Thank you, thank you Gwen! Also thanks to Laura and Lil' Woman for hosting this swap. I can't wait for the next one - :)

Being Twenty-Something

2011-12-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

I can't remember where I stumbled upon this but it's so perfect for where I'm at, and where a lot of my friends are. Mind you some points don't apply to me and may not apply to you, but in a whole I think it's a great reminder that we're not alone in our thoughts, triumphs, and struggles.

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you

stop going along with the crowd and start realizing

that there are many things about yourself that you

didn't know and may not like. You start feeling

insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or

two, but then get scared because you barely know where

you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,

maybe, those friends that you thought you were so

close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have

ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are

some of the most important ones. What you don't

recognize is that they are realizing that too, and

aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that

they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to

what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking

for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at

the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what

others are doing and find yourself judging more than

usual because suddenly you realize that you have

certain boundaries in your life and are constantly

adding things to your list of what is acceptable and

what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the

next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest

force of your life. You feel alone and scared and

confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try

and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon

realize that the past is drifting further and further

away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you

are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you

loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed

and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough

that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone

but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing

this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night

stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and

acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over

and over, and talk with your friends about the same

topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You

worry about loans, money, the future and making a life

for yourself... and while winning the race would be

great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying

as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Xo.

Insta-Friday!

2011-12-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

We spent some time over last weekend with Adam's nephew, brother, and sister in law. They live in San Francisco, so it's always a treat when we visit because they're great company and I love the city!

We hit up our local Farmer's Market again on Sunday. It was a beautiful, fall-like day here in California.

Finally, here are some randoms. A shot of mine from the Katy Perry concert, my sister's dogs, my little "inspriation zone" at work, and you know - Santa driving his convertible. Only in California ;)

I Don't Deserve to Be Happy

2011-12-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

This draft has been saved on my computer for some quite a while, I decided it was finally time to complete it.

"I don't believe I am deserving of happiness." This is something I admitted to somebody recently. Stating that was not, and is not, a ploy to get attention, I could really care less, but more of a 'getting it out in the open' thing so I can start moving ahead with healing myself. I have to learn to be okay with admitting things.

My therapist and I have discussed countless times how much I suppress my feelings, happy or sad. It's a bad habit that I've had ever since I was a little girl. I don't recall when it started but through therapy and reflection, I've found that I did so because I was more worried about my father's feelings than my own.

After my mother left us, he was a single parent. As I grew older I had my moments of feeling sorry for him. It couldn't be easy raising two girls by yourself on one very small income, so we were told... about the income anyway. In addition, if my memory serves me right, it wasn't long after my mother left that my grandparents passed away (my father's parents). It was apparent that my father was in a deep fit of depression and so I felt bad. Every day was a similar routine and every night ended with him in his recliner chair watching TV or reading the newspaper... eventually falling asleep. It was hard to see him that way - after all he was my father and I loved him. I had no bad feelings towards him other than some fear because of his bad temper.

Now looking back it's plain to see this habit of suppressing my feelings so I didn't upset my father more was incredibly damaging. My decision, conscious or not, to aid to my father's emotions more than my own has caused some major problems in my emotional development. In some ways, I'm still a child. Growing up, there were many times where I played more of a parental role because I had to deal with my father's childish temperament and ways. Though I still cried in my room or wrote out my feelings in poems, I wouldn't let emotions consume me nor would I even acknowledge them. This causes me to act pretty childish when I'm forced to deal with my emotions nowadays and it's yet another thing I'm ashamed of. But I can't hide from the truth anymore... not if I want to face my demons in order to defeat them.

Getting back on track, the reasons I don't believe (or didn't believe) that I deserve happiness are many. For one, I don't know how to truly feel happy. It's such a foreign emotion to me that the moment I start to feel it, I run away mostly by playing it down. A recent example of this is my moment on stage with Katy Perry. Any fan in their right mind would be ecstatic, and I was in that moment and the moments we were still at the venue. The next day? Forget about it. Though I shared my experience online, I felt embarrassed and almost wrong for being excited about it or because it happened to me. Whenever someone would come up to me to ask about it or congratulate me on it, I tried to hide my smile and not say too much about how amazing it was. How fucked up this that?

Another reason I don't believe I deserve to be happy is that I still feel bad for my father and what he went through. My emotions about the entire situation are still very mixed and I give myself a hard time for feeling bad for him. Why should I? He made conscious decisions that he knew would affect our family negatively. He made his mistakes which tore our family apart. HE DID IT ALL yet I feel guilty about it and I feel like the bad person. In turn, it makes me feeling undeserving of happiness. Why should I be happy when I feel bad for someone who was arrested for rape on top of being so abusive to my sister and I growing up? It baffles my mind.

I know better than to truly believe that I don't deserve happiness, but that doesn't mean it's easy to be happy or to move past this. As with everything I'm battling in therapy, this is something that will take a while to turn around and heal from.

I ask that anyone who has been through something similar and has advice, please share it with me either in the comments or via e-mail - lifeaslolly@gmail.com

Xo

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-12-07T07:17:00.000-08:00

Happy Wednesday, loves! There are only 2 more WILW's before Christmas — can you believe it? I can't. I am proud of myself this year, though. I'm not as behind on Christmas gifts and cards as I was last year - haha! Anyway, here is what I'm loving this week.

Opening Up. I am very happy and relieved with the amount of support I've been getting after opening up about my depression. Though times are still hard and I wish I had more physical support, it's a nice feeling to know I have people out there thinking about me and my well-being.

I shared this video on Facebook earlier in the week and I am absolutely loving it's message in a roundabout way. Bullying is not an easy topic to discuss or resolve, and this just shows how damaging it can be. It also proves that there are people out there who care.

Mmmm pho! Give me beef, chicken, or vegetable pho with a side of Sriracha and I'm a happy girl.

Pinterest Love

And my last Pin for this post — Britney, oh Britney. I was in love with you here ;) lol

Christmas Cabins, Holiday Talk, and Birthdays

2011-12-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

Caught up with my sister last week and we reminisced a bit about Christmases growing up, which turned into agreeing that they would never be the same since our tradition was thrown out the window because of my Dad's mistakes. We will be able to start our own traditions with our families but since we don't have families of our own yet, we're sort of stuck in a weird limbo. A not so fun limbo at that. Both of us have 4+ places to choose to visit every year for the Holidays which makes it a tad miserable because if you pick one place, you'll be upsetting or letting someone down. So her and her husband are talking about building a cabin somewhere in North Carolina so we can have a place to meet every Holiday as a new tradition. I'm really looking forward to when that day comes.

Anyway! I wrapped my first gifts of the season last night and they're being sent off to Gwen as a part of A Very Bloggy Christmas swap! This is my first blog swap and I'm so excited to send these off and to receive mine.

My friend Britt also shared some super cute printable Holiday Shopping Lists. Go on over to her blog to view and print them - :)

Today is my Grandma's birthday - Happy Birthday, Grandma! I gave her a call when I got into the office this morning and my sister sent her flowers from the both of us. I wish we could see her but we do what we can being so far away.

Insta-Friday!

2011-12-02T07:08:00.000-08:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

Nothing too interesting this week, I wasn't too photo happy. I do love the nature photos I did snap, though. The changing leaves are always so beautiful!

Staying in San Francisco tonight so I hope to have plenty of photos to share next week. Happy Friday! Xo

And Why is Anyone Opposing This Again?

2011-11-30T15:16:00.000-08:00

*Please note that I do not discriminate against anybody's religion or beliefs. However I do have differing opinions to some and this has to do with one of them.*

A friend of my shared the following video on Facebook about Gay Marriage and I cannot stress how important or how powerful it is. Please, despite your beliefs, take 3 minutes out of your day to listen.

I want to hug this guy, seriously. Not only is he very well-spoken but he is correct in every thing he says. I'm in tears at work wishing speeches like this didn't have to be made.

To sum it up, here are a few snippets that stood out to me.

"You are telling Iowanians that some among you are second class citizens who do not have the right to marry the person you love."

"The sexual orientation of my parents has had ZERO affect on the content of my character."

"The sense of family comes from the commitment we make to each other. To work through the hard times so we can enjoy the good ones. It comes from the love that binds us. THAT is what makes a family."

Gosh, I couldn't have said that better myself. It really doesn't matter if your parents are gay or straight and here is your obvious slap in the face if you think otherwise. I don't care how much you believe that the "Bible says it's a sin" because what it comes down to in the end is LOVE. And weren't we all taught [at least I growing up as a Catholic] that God loves us all? Well, if you take away the right for two people who LOVE one another to marry because it's 'written in the Bible', then that statement can't be true.

You don't have to agree with it and you don't even have to like it. But love is love, people. LOVE IS LOVE.

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-11-30T09:30:00.000-08:00

Yet another week has passed by so quickly and today is the last day in November. Can you believe it? I sure can't but I am excited that the Holidays are in full swing. Hopefully I can fight through some of my depression to get out and complete my Christmas shopping. Anywho - here is what I'm loving lately.

This fun/pretty artwork all over our office. Too bad it's outrageously expensive for my wallet.

Love, love when I have good hair days & red lips! ;)

HILARIOUS!

Always love cooking dinner. This mac-n-cheese recipe wasn't all that tasty but add some Franks Red Hot and it's devine. Hey, I put that shit on everything! ;)

Lastly, I am loving Christmas lights! Ours have been up since the weekend [most of them] but they aren't nearly as pretty as these lovely finds on Pinterest. Isn't the ladder tree rad? Some people are so creative.

Have a fabulous Hump Day, everyone! Xo

Admitting is Always the First, the Scariest, and the Most Important Step

2011-11-28T17:16:00.000-08:00

There are times when I question why I blog. I don't have a large following, though I am grateful for the audience I do have, and there isn't much feedback left when I do blog. I'm left feeling like what I have to say isn't interesting or doesn't matter much to anyone. Then I remember that this is my blog and my place to voice my opinions, likes, dislikes, etc and having a voice is better than letting it all build up inside of me.

Things in my life have been pretty glum as of late, more so in the last week and a half than ever. I've experienced a wide range of emotions and have come to some very scary, yet important realizations. The biggest realization of them all? I am depressed. Let me repeat that, I am depressed.

I think I've known this for a while now but I’ve been painfully embarrassed to admit it based on the stigma attached to the word (and the misuse and the overuse) but it slapped me in the face over the weekend when I was reading some literature my therapist lent to me. I was three chapters in when I started sobbing out of nowhere. I couldn't help myself and since then have had a few similar fits.

Admitting that you have a problem is extremely hard, even more so when it’s something you’re embarrassed about. As I mentioned, I am incredibly embarrassed to admit that I am depressed because it’s confusing and scary. There are times I can’t control my emotions and this has affected relationships and other important things in my life. I didn’t ask for this, or any of my problems. Moving forward I can only identify them so I can work hard to eliminate them.

I wish I knew why… you know, the specific reasons why I am depressed. Therapy will help me discover the reasons but aside from negative emotions tied to events from my past, I cannot for the life of me point out why. All I know right now is that I am tired of feeling this way, tired of not being excited about anything, tired of having zero motivation, and tired of being tired. I certainly have a long road ahead of me.

I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to anyone who has already been there for me through my battles. It isn’t easy dealing with myself in such a miserable state, I can only imagine how hard it is to see me so down. I also want to apologize, though I probably shouldn’t, for being so down. Like I said, it can’t be easy to see that or be around and I guess I’m just sorry for any complications that come with my battle and my breakdowns.

If you or anyone you know has gone through this, or is going through this now, I would like to ask for your support and any insight on what has helped you/them see the light again.

Thanks for reading, Xo

Cyber Giving Monday!

2011-11-28T09:57:00.000-08:00

My friend Carlos is a kick ass dude and fundraiser. He messaged me recently about a fun project and I'm here to share it with you. Let’s all take the Cyber Giving Monday Challenge!

Step 1. Find a organization you love and want to support. (I’m choosing Pencils of Promise.)

Step 2. Make an online contribution, whatever you can afford $1, $5, $1,000 on Monday, November 28th, 2011 [TODAY].

Step 3. Post to Facebook and Twitter about Cyber Giving Monday and the charity you chose to donate to. (Please use hashtag: #cybergivingmonday)

Step 4: Report your donation to the Living Philanthropic tally: http://bit.ly/lp-tally

Step 5: Invite a friend to do the same.

Easy like Monday Morning…

Let’s make this Monday, one of the best days of giving. Happy holidays! Xo

Ways to Give Back this Holiday Season!

2011-11-27T12:38:00.000-08:00

A fun Christmas song, a cup of hot cocoa (or in my case apple cider), decorated homes — it all brings smiles to so many faces. What else does that this time of year? Giving back.

It's a simple concept, giving back, and though it is something we should do all year round, giving back during the Holiday season is a lot more special. At least it feels that way to me. There is something about the season that makes me want to give back more than any time of the year which is why I wanted to share some ways that we all can give back this Holiday season!

Water Bobble. We all should drink more water so what better way to tackle that while shopping for those on your Christmas list and saving the environment? Each filter takes the place of 300 water bottles and if you buy the Limited Edition Sophia Bush Bobble, 50% of the purchase will be donated to The Nature Conservancy's fight to protect nature and preserve life. Also for the Holidays, they are offering free shipping on orders of $20 or more.

OneHope Wine. I discovered this gem of a company through a project we did with them for work. They donate half of all profits to various charities including Children's Hospitals, the Fight Against Breast Cancer, the Fight Against AIDS, and supporting Our Troops. I know there are a lot of wine lovers out there that this would make the perfect gift for.

Got Your Back Movement. Every shirt you buy (for only $20) provides a school uniform to a child in need helps create sustainable change in struggling communities around the world by opening the doors for children to receive an education.

Love146 is providing vital prevention education, job training, schooling, a safe home and holistic aftercare to children who are at risk or survivors of child sex slavery. Your gift of any amount to this work will have a lasting impact for children in need. They also have apparel and Christmas cards for sale.

Rescue Gifts. This one is pretty simple, they offer Christmas gifts that change lives. For a wide ranger of amounts, there are a plethora of options to choose from such as donating in someone's name to provide clean water, emergency food, a community garden, warm blankets, healthcare, etc.

Another easy way to give back is to donate to your favorite charities in someone else's name. A few charities I suggest are:

Pencils of Promise. They are a global movement committed to supporting a world with greater educational opportunity for all. There are more than 75 million children without access to education, and they intend to change this. So far they've built 39 schools and with your donations they could build many more.

Love is Louder. This is a movement committed to preventing suicide and showing those feeling distressed that love is louder than any pain they feel, anyone trying to bring them down, etc. It's a movement near and dear to my heart and any donations would mean so much.

The Art of Elysium. They are very dedicated to enriching the lives of artists and critically ill children. A donation of $25 gives a child an art kit, $50 provides a music workshop for a group of hospitalized children, $100 provides corrective make-up and instruction for four children who have facial disfigurements, and the list goes on and on. Please consider this foundation when donating this Holiday season.

Additionally, you could always donate any food and clothing you will no longer need or you could spend some time volunteering in a soup kitchen or at a local shelter. They are always in need of more helping hands and I bet you'll feel so great afterwards!

Be sure to help out local business as much as you can, too! Places like Walmart and Target (though I know we all love one or the other) don't need your business as much as smaller/local ones do. Visit boutiques in your area of find some online through Etsy for example.

Are you giving back in any way for Christmas? Please share in the comments :-)

Insta-Friday/Saturday!

2011-11-26T11:28:00.000-08:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

I didn't spend a whole lot of time on the computer yesterday which is why I'm doing another Insta-Friday/Saturday!

A powerful message I found via Pinterest.

Claypot Chicken - this is one of my favorite dishes at a spot we eat lunch at frequently for work.

With Katy Perry on stage. Still cannot believe that night happened.

Pretty clouds over our apartment complex. Nature is beautiful.

Clouds on one of our recent stormy days. I love the palm trees!

Instagrammed this on Thanksgiving - want a print out for our home next year.

It's just me on Thanksgiving! :-)

Adam's nephew enjoying Thanksgiving dessert.

I spent half of my Thanksgiving by myself, by choice. This was the 5th year I've spent it away from my home and my family/friends. Each year it gets harder but I am lucky for all of the loving people in my life, no matter how near or far.

Jasper and me on Thanksgiving! Love that cutie.

My latest Water Bobble army.

Our favorite Christmas candies - Reese's bells and Hershey's Hugs.

I'm not big on sweet snacks but I had to try these and they are SO good.

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-11-23T08:11:00.000-08:00

What I am loving the most this Wednesday is KATY PERRY! I attended her Oakland and we had pit tickets, which was incredible in itself. We wore the same outfits as last time that scored us time on stage and it did again! But this time she ran after me and my friend and pulled us out to the main stage where she proceeded to take my iPhone from me [because I was shaking as you'll hear in the video] and snap a photo of us "for Facebook" as she put it. And oh yes, it's my Facebook profile photo! I was shaking then and I'm shaking again just recapping the moment. What a magical night and how quickly those moments pass. I honestly didn't expect that to happen but I am SO happy and feel so blessed.

This is the photo she took - I'm so bummed my wig was falling off haha. But oh well! ;)

UNBELIEVABLE! ♥

Nothing can really top that for this post but I am also loving some other things this week...

Short week of work. I took Monday off so I had time to get ready for the concert and the drive there, but I honestly should have taken Tuesday off because I was so tired! Anyway, that means I only have two days in the office this week thanks to Thanksgiving! I'll probably do some work over the mini-vacation just so I don't have to play catch up next week. It'll be nice to have some time to relax.

New issue of Cooking Light. I'm a foodie and I love to cook so whenever I receive a new issue of any magazine that includes recipes I am a happy girl. Looking forward to seeing what holiday treats they have this year.

Turkey Trot. I signed up last minute for San Jose's Turkey Trot [5K] mainly so the fee could be donated. I haven't trained at all but I figure this is more for fun and I'm not worried about the time like I was back in July for the San Francisco Marathon. Is anyone else running theirs?

Christmas Music. I tried to hold off as long as possible [until Thanksgiving] but I gave in on Sunday and have been listening ever since. I can't help myself. The sounds of the season put me in such great spirits, why hold off on that? ;)

Okay, that does it for this week's WILW, my hands are still shaking thinking about Katy Perry! AHH! Happy Thanksgiving to anyone celebrating this week! Xo

Meatless Monday: Winter Squash Soup

2011-11-21T11:41:00.000-08:00

You can never go wrong with soup especially when your hands are like icicles... yes it gets that cold in California, too - ;) Yesterday's lunch consisted of butternut squash, kabocha squash, some onions, a dash of spices and some pinches of salt all blended together to make one healthy and yummy soup.

Mixed Winter Squash Soup

1 large onion, diced

1 large celery rib, diced

1/2 medium kabocha squash, peeled and diced

1 medium butternut squash, peeled and diced

1 large carrots, diced

2 tsp. of fresh grated ginger

1 pinch of salt

Heat 1 tblsp EVOO in a medium sized pot over medium heat, then throw in the onion, celery, ginger and carrots. Saute until the juices are released, then add the butternut and kabocha squash.

Add approximately 5 cups of water, bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer for 20 minutes.

Transfer the mixture to a blender in batches and blend until smooth. Return the blended mixture to the pot, and season to taste with salt. Simmer for another 5 minutes and serve!

You could also add some curry powder & cumin to give it a little kick. I was out of curry powder so I used chili powder instead. Gave it a great flavor!

The consistency is pretty thin but that didn't bother me at all. I can't wait to enjoy some of this for lunch! If you make this, please let me know your thoughts.

The Life Planner

2011-11-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

The new year is quickly approaching [I know, I can't believe it either] and I plan on making it better than 2011. That is not to say this year was bad by any means, but I wasn't as organized as I have been in the past and life seems so much easier when things are neatly planned out. And by neatly I mean written out in a pretty little planner.

I had already picked up a cute pink planner I found at Target. I wasn't 100% sold on it but I saw that the purchase would benefit breast cancer research and if you know me, you know I cannot turn something like this down so I bought it. Today I was introduced to something even more beautiful, Erin Condren's Life Planners, and I fell in LOVE [thank you Gwen]. They are a bit pricey [at least for me since this would be my first legit planner outside of the smaller ones] but I believe it will be worth the money the second I have it in my hands. The only problem? I cannot pick one!

Either Splash [above] or Turquoise - see here

Both color options for this one are cute - see here

PEACOCK! <3 Both colors, again, are cute - see here

You would think my obvious excitement for the peacock design would have me sold but as much as I love peacock feathers, I'm not so sure I love the negative white space. Those are my top 3, however, and I'd love it if you could tell me which one, our of the 3, you like best.

Happy Planning! ;)

All I Truly Want for Christmas

2011-11-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

Ever since moving to California I've had a really hard time making good girlfriends. I've met many backstabbing, two-faced girls whom I thought were my friends, clearly that went over well. I just can't seem to fit in anywhere. It's like high school all over again, but even then I had great friends.

I thought I was in good with a group the last few years and it has slowly dwindled away. It went from being invited everywhere, to here and there, to feeling like I had to invite myself, to silence really — and I don't know why. I would like to think that I'm a good friend. I'm always making contact, asking how 'you' are and if you need to talk I'm here but no one seems to take me seriously and I rarely get contacted.

I'm left feeling like something is wrong with me or that I did something wrong. Am I not fun enough? Am I not interesting enough? Is it because I don't drink anymore? Am I not as good of a friend as I thought? Do I smell [haha]? It may not even be me but as well all know, when things do pan out as planned, it's hard not to think it's you.

I see [on Facebook, of course] many, many other girls consistently hanging out with their close girlfriends, throwing parties for one another for special occasions or just because, and taking trips together. No one has ever thrown me a birthday party, there are no group vacations, and I had to basically beg for someone to throw A and I an engagement party [which was beautiful, thank you]. It's not that I couldn't have put one together myself, but I wanted to feel special for once and wanted someone else to think of ME [us in this case] and want to do something nice for me. I don't think that's too much to ask.

I do have some great friends, I can't deny that, but nevertheless when do I really ever see them? It's hard to remember the last time. There are no lunches, dinners, parties, movie nights, etc. I know I have been in a rut lately and maybe they don't want to deal with my issues but that shouldn't be a reason why I'm not invited or thought of.

I also have some truly amazing friends that I've met online and I am very grateful for that. I wish that it could be more than just an online thing but maybe that's what makes it so special. Love you, girls!

It feels like I've given up on believing that I'll have good relationships with girls like I had in the past, and that's extremely disheartening. I'm sure it'll change one day, I'm definitely hoping that day comes sooner than later.

Santa, all I want for Christmas is genuine, true friends.

Insta-Friday!

2011-11-18T08:39:00.000-08:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

I love Fridays, for many reasons. One of those reasons is because that means it's time for InstaFriday! Seeing everyone's photos from their week is always a treat :) I don't have many to share this time but I hope you enjoy them anyway.

A random Hipstamatic shot. Trying out different filters.

Honey crisp apples and raspberries!

Fall colors in California. So nice to see.

Hope y'all enjoy your Friday & your weekends. Any fun plans? Xo

I'm Thankful For...

2011-11-17T12:58:00.000-08:00

The importance of being thankful and expressing your gratitude on a regular basis is obvious, but it is nice to have one time of year where everyone (mostly everyone) makes it a priority. Giving thanks for your blessings only paves the way for more to come into your life. I'd like to share with you what I'm thankful for lately.

1. Most of us take the simplicity of taking a breath for granted too often because it's so easy to, so I want to first of all give thanks for just being alive and healthy. I have been blessed with great health, despite a few minor hiccups, and I can only hope that you are thankful for yours as well.

2. I am thankful for the opportunity to make someone smile whether it's someone I know, a stranger walking down the street, or through posting a quote online. The benefits of smiling are often overlooked, but one simple smile could change someone's day.

3. I am thankful for the ups and downs I've faced in life, they have given me wisdom. Additionally, I am thankful for every outlet I've found to share my stories though. A part of healing, learning, and growing is sharing your struggles and the lessons you've learned along the way.

4. I am thankful for my sister. Lord knows we've been put through hell in our lives more than once and we've both come out the other end stronger and more capable to live a beautiful life. We still face our adversities but I am so blessed to have such a wonderful sister to face them with.

5. I am thankful for my fiance. His patience through all of my troubles and my growth means a lot to me. He has done so much for me over the last four and a half years, I will never be able to thank him properly. He sees me for who I am, no matter how childish or ridiculous and loves me regardless.

6. I am thankful for my Mother. Though we've shared our differences, I love her more than words can say and I look forward to spending more time with her in the future.

7. I am thankful for the opportunities I've had to meet those who inspire me. Some are celebrities [Sophia Bush, Katy Perry, Kate Voegele] and some are not. It's humbling to see, no matter where someone comes from or what their status is in society, that they have such generous hearts.

8. I am thankful for all of my friends and followers online. I've been shown so much support through "strangers" through the last 10+ years, I couldn't be more grateful for it. It's comforting to know that I am able to have a voice and that it impacts your lives in a positive way.

Oh I could go on and on but I'd really like to know what YOU are thankful for!

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-11-16T07:50:00.000-08:00

The final weeks of this year are flying by! I swear I'm going to wake up and it's Christmas day before I know it. Not that I'm complaining because I love Christmas — but time sure pass faster as you get older. I've had my fair share of ups and downs this last week and here is what has kept me smiling.

Good Food. Gosh, do I love food and I love cooking with fresh veggies. The red lentil and butternut squash curry soup I made earlier this week was incredible. I highly recommend it if you're looking for some warm, tasty comfort - :) I'm also obsessed with Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Filled Pretzels & Powerberries.

One Tree Hill. I know it is a prevalent topic on my blog lately but with my favorite series coming to a final end, it's a pretty big deal and I'm taking it all in as much as possible. Through the last 9 seasons this huge family has grown and grown and I'm so happy to be a part of it all. It's crazy how a TV show could be so life-changing for people from all walks of life.

ID Discovery. I'm a crime show nerd. You could even call me obsessed. I don't know what it is but I am always intrigued with crime: what happens to people/things, why it happened, who did it, etc. Shows like Disappeared, 20/20, Deadly Women, and Who the [Bleep] Did I Marry? suck me right in. If you're into these types of shows, I recommend this channel or checking out some of the shows online.

I'm also loving some of my latest Pinterest finds! This website is gold I tell ya! ;)

Oh that Adriana girl is extremely gorgeous. She's always been my favorite! I wish I had a smile a bright as hers. Hope you're all having a good week. The fiance is in Vegas today/tonight for work and I'm stuck in the office and at home. *Sigh*

When Will IT End? 10 Year Old Commits Suicide...

2011-11-14T16:04:00.000-08:00

I didn't plan on blogging today because there wasn't much to say until 10 minutes ago when a tweet caught my attention.

I had to read it a few times before clicking the link to the blog.

My heart is broken. I'm almost speechless. Almost. I cannot believe that this child was only alive for TEN years and subjected to so much hatred and pain. What in the world are these children who bullied her learning? And where are they learning it from?

Now I'm no idiot. I'm fully aware that bullying will probably never stop and maybe in the past it wasn't such a "big deal." The fact is, however, bullying has become an epidemic and it IS a big deal, so we need to step up and DO SOMETHING about it. As a society, as parents, as friends, as partners we are responsible for the world we all live in, whether you want to believe it or not. This isn't something to laugh at or hide from. It's real and it's happening. It's probably happening to someone you know.

I can't. I can't even say anything more right now. Please get help if you need it - get informed at HoldingofWrist.com!

Red Lentil & Butternut Squash Curry Soup

2011-11-13T15:18:00.000-08:00

In an attempt to keep eating clean and stick to a budget, we visited the local farmer’s market for the first time in months. I can’t believe how long it had been! It’s fun to see the different fruits and vegetables that represent the changing seasons. It also felt good to get out of the house and into the sun for a little while.

After we got home, I began to cut up some butternut squash and felt very faint. I think my emotions got the best of me yesterday and I’m feeling the aftermath of it all today − aches and pains, very tired and weak. Confronting and dealing with your problems is never an easy task but I never expected any of this. I suppose I’ll have to continue taking it one day at a time.

Once I felt up to it again, I finished chopping up the veggies needed for today’s recipe...

Red Lentil & Butternut Squash Curry Soup

2 tsp coarse salt

2 tbls Curry Powder

2 tbls unsalted butter

1 onion, cut into 1/2-inch dice

4 cloves garlic, minced

1 butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cut in 1/2-inch pieces

Two 14 1/2-ounce cans low-sodium chicken stock

2 cups water

12 ounces red lentils

Heat butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add curry and salt; stir until fragrant, about 1 minute.

Add onion and garlic; cook until translucent, about 4 minutes. Add squash; cook until just beginning to soften, about 5 minutes. Add stock and water. Bring to a boil; reduce to a simmer. Cook until squash is tender, about 10 minutes.

Stir in lentils; cook until soft, 10 to 15 minutes. For a smoother consistency, puree in Vita Mix or Blender, add more stock if mixture becomes to thick. Season as desired & enjoy!

Boy, does the smell of curry cooking away offer some comfort ;) Please excuse my lack of cute bowls & dinnerware. One day I'll be able to splurge on some pretty things for these photos — one day...

It's Time to Let Go

2011-11-12T13:16:00.000-08:00

I started this entry in a completely different direction. It’s apparent to me that there are deeper rooted issues that I need to get out.

I thought I was doing okay. The last few days, however, are showing me otherwise. My mood is awful. I’m bitter, sad, and utterly irritable. I feel so empty inside and some days I feel worthless.

At 25 years old I feel that I should be a lot further along than I am. I should have more to show at this stage in my life, but I don’t. I should feel more confident in myself and in my decision-making, but I don’t.

I’m always placing the blame on myself for decisions I made that were wrong or ones I should have made, when I’m not entirely the one to blame. More and more I’m realizing how afraid I’ve been to admit some of my biggest problems because I’m trying to protect someone who should have been protecting me all along. These negative feelings and all of the pain I feel are a result of my Dad’s poor decision-making. I live every single day dealing with the consequences of HIS actions.

His selfishness and his inability to properly conquer his own demons meant that I was never able to live a suitable childhood. Without ever realizing it, I was more of a parent to him than he was to me. The roles were reversed. I was always thinking of him, how my decisions would impact his life. I was always trying to protect him because I saw how miserable he was and didn’t want to make things worse for him.

He took my childhood from me – so now at 25 years old, “free” from his chains, I find myself feeling like a child. I'm afraid to make decisions on my own. I'm afraid to speak up, especially when it comes to certain males in my life. I'm afraid of asking questions. It’s embarrassing to admit but it’s the reality of it all. My innocence was stolen from me before I ever had a chance to touch it, and it's all HIS fault. Not mine.

The feelings I have toward the situation are very intense and I get through my days by telling myself that it’s okay, and I’ll be okay. Though the second part of that is true, I will be okay, what happened is NOT okay. I have to find a way to believe in that so I can learn to let go, because no matter how much I feel like I’ve moved forward, I always find myself back at this point. It’s a never-ending cycle I’m trying desperately to break.

I think that's all I can bare to speak about today, and I actually feel a bit better now that it's out. If you're new here and confused as to what I'm talking about you can read more here.

OTH Has Taught Me...

2011-11-12T10:24:00.000-08:00

When this show first aired, I was very against the "teeny-bopper" series such as this and The OC. I refused to watch either show for a year or so. Finally, when I was at my best friend's house it was on TV so I watched an episode. And then another, and another... and I was hooked! I borrowed their DVD sets for Seasons 1 and 2 and couldn't wait for Season 3 to air. And here we are gearing up for the FINAL season. What a journey it's been.

I can't tell you how many times a story line hit close to home or how many valuable lessons I've learned from this series. The one story line that affects me the most is when Dan Scott goes to jail for murdering his brother. My own father went to jail for a long time for crimes he committed. It wasn't for murder but it was still a tragedy that my family had to face then, still faces today, and will probably face forever. It has been seven years since everything went down and I don't know how I'll get past it, or how I'll deal with it properly, yet. But this show has proven to me that I'm not alone and it's OK if some days are harder than others. This isn't something that can be resolved over night, or in my case over seven years of nights. You know, this is going to affect me and how I live my life... for the rest of my life. And it's comforting to me to see issues like this touched upon.

OTH has taught me:

The importance of working towards my dreams and goals & what to expect if I achieve them or even if I don't.
The importance of having a strong support system. Whether it's your own family or the family you create for yourself (let's face it, most of my "family" are my good friends, as are the characters in the show), a solid support system is an essential part of life.
That I am not alone in my struggles. We all face hardships and it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who is struggling, but you're not. And it's essential to remember that and to know that it's okay to reach out for help.
The importance of forgiveness. It's a hard concept to master but in order to move forward in a positive manner, you have to learn to forgive.
That true love knows no boundaries. If two people are meant to be together, they will be... no matter how long it takes them to see it.
That people can change, for better and for worse.
The responsibility we have to ourselves and each other to live a good, honest life.

"Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want. Everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile. The next wish come true. But if you believe that it is right around the corner. And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it. To the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart."

It will be a sad day come the series finale but I am so grateful to the writers, directors, actors/actresses, musicians, stylists, assistants, and the rest of the crew who have made this show possible, and such a huge success. You will never know how much it all means to me — to all of us. Thank you!

Fill in the Blank Friday!

2011-11-11T16:53:00.000-08:00

1. My favorite new blog of the moment is A Brighter Yellow.

2. Something I am thankful for is life. Dealing with something right now makes me so thankful for every breath I take.

3. Something that made me laugh this week was Ridiculousness on MTV. Funny show!

4. An item that is currently on my wish list is a new, nicer apartment.

5. I am excited about seeing Katy Perry again this month, in the pit!

6. If I were a color I would be pink. It's flirty and fun and I love it.

7. My favorite way to spend a chilly fall day is to watch the rain fall out a big window, cozied up by the fireplace with some coffee or tea. One day it will happen ;)

Organic Shopping on a Budget - Help!

2011-11-11T11:54:00.000-08:00

Alright all of you frugal shoppers out there, I am in need of some serious help.

A and I recently worked on our budgets and decided we'd budget ourselves $500 in food/groceries this month as a test. Well, in less than two weeks we've reached that amount between groceries and eating out at work a few times. I was shocked!

Recently I've been so good about cooking dinner and having leftovers for lunch the next day, even for dinner later in the week. And in the past I was able to stick to a pretty low budget with cooking our meals and not eating out as much. We're not buying things are are ultra expensive either - looking through my receipts the most expensive items are meats, which I try to limit as well. It leaves me pretty baffled as to why we've spent so much money.

We are fairly healthy when it comes to eating and I'm all about eating as organic as possible. That said, I figure grocery shopping will be more expensive. Add in the fact that, as far as I know, there aren't many coupons for organic brands. Or are there? Maybe I'm not looking hard enough. Most coupons I see are for brands like Kraft or Tyson which I do not buy, and will never buy.

We do need to start going back to the local farmer's market on Sundays and that will help a bit.

I found this article that gives some tips for organic shopping on a budget, but some of it doesn't seem that it will help me much.

Does anyone who eats organic have any shopping advice for me? Where do you find your coupons for organic produce, meats, and such?

Happy Insta-Friday!

2011-11-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

Technically we're taking this week of from Insta-Friday but to keep my routine going I wanted to post one anyway. My week was fairly boring so I didn't feel inspired to take many photos. Today I'm sharing a few photos I re-edited and the last is the espresso machine at one of my favorite little spots near work.

Hopefully next week I'll find more things to take photos of. Have a great Friday, everyone! :)

Wardrobe Wednesday

2011-11-09T12:08:00.000-08:00

This is my first time participating in any sort of wardrobe day or what I wore today post, I'm excited! The weather has been cooling down here in the Bay Area but the sun is still shining. Here is what I'm wearing today.

Fake leather jacket - Target

Green half-top - LoveCulture

Blank tank - Target

Jeans - Target

Boots - Bakers

Sunglasses - Vans

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-11-09T07:17:00.000-08:00

My One Tree Hill and Twitter family. Monday night was one for the books with thanking the cast and crew and saying goodbye to the Rivercourt. I wish I could have been there in person but seeing and feeling all of the love that night was unbelievable.

Sophia Bush RT'ing a quote I posted on Twitter. It means she was actually looking over my feed and that makes me so happy. She's been nothing but sweet and supportive to me. I hope to work together with her again on something epic.

Shantel Vansanten also RT'ing something I tweeted. If you're ever looking for some uplifting words and have a Twitter, you should follow her

Oprah Magazine. I've always loved Oprah but I didn't know how good her magazine was until I was published in it. This years 'The Favorite Things' issue is good so far. I'm not even half way through it and there have been amazing stories.

I watched most of this documentary last night and I was blown away. The fact that less than 6% of doctors are taught anything about nutrition is mind-boggling. Nutrition and vitamins are so essential to maintaining a healthy lifestyle and battling diseases, yet the drug administration wants to shove meds down our throats because that is what is making them a TRILLION dollar industry. I could go on but I won't. I'll simply encourage you all to check it out.

Soup. Clearly I am loving soup since I a lot of my recent updates have something to do with cooking soup or a new recipe. And I printed out 6 more recipes to try yesterday - obsessed!

Finally, some Pinterest finds! Follow me :)

I hope you all have a splendid Wednesday. Xo

November Goals

2011-11-08T12:44:00.000-08:00

The gorgeous and lovely Rhi at Hey Gorgeous inspired this post with her own November goals entry.

Goals are something I've recently discussed with my therapist and they are also something I've been rediscovering through kaizen — a way to improve your life and productivity through smalls steps and goal setting.

My goals for the month of November are:

Get back in the gym! Doesn't have to be every day and I'm not setting any expectations yet. I just want to start being active again.

Find group exercise classes to take. I've already tried kickboxing and went for a couple of months but it did a number on my knees so I have to look for something else.

Find eco-friendly or charity-tied Christmas cards to send. I'm all about giving back this holiday season and I want to ensure that most, if not all, of the cards and gifts I send benefit someone or some charity.

Put up Christmas decorations & shop for more. In my opinion it's never too early to start.

See if a trip to Mexico in January is at all possible. We were planning a trip to see one of my best friends and her husband but money got tight so we weren't thinking about it. Now that it's getting closer I want to research prices to come to a firm decision.

Save up some money to buy a nice jacket, some warm sweaters, and another pair of jeans. I only own two pairs of jeans, both of which are wearing out and I don't have many sweaters to keep me warm. Time to finally stock up!

Start researching New Years Eve plans. Last year sucked. Friends bailed literally last minute so we ended up getting dinner and returning home to watch the ball drop on TV in our PJs. Not the worst scenario but I want to party this year! Especially if the world is going to end next year ;)

Learn to curl my long hair better. Now that I've damaged my hair by going semi-blonde, curls should hold much easier. I just need to find a process that works best for me and my lack of beauty skills.

Is goal setting important to you? Have you set any goals for yourself this month?

The Happy Day Project {Day 1: Treats to a Neighbor}

2011-11-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

Hello Monday! Today marks the first day of The Happy Day Project and I opted for the online way to play. Why? It's because I live in an apartment complex and I'm not very fond of my neighbors. That's not very nice of me, I know, but I can't help it. They are loud and obnoxious and I've been living there a year and a half too long.

Anywho, the online way to play involved making a purchase from Shop for Sharlie - a place you can buy printables or tutorials for $5…all proceeds go directly to the Sharlie’s Angels fund. Sharlie has cystic fibrosis and is in need of a heart and double lung transplant. A couple of her friends set up this shop to help raise money for her. And this option makes me happier than it would to drop off baked goods to a neighbor whom I don't know. With my luck they'd throw it away or be allergic to something in it. From the shop, I purchased some inspirational PDF's to print out and frame.

Aren't they cute? If you'd like to join in on this week of happiness, visit this post on Life Rearranged and let me know if you've participated so I can check out your recaps! Xo.

Insta-Friday!

2011-11-04T07:30:00.000-07:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

I recycled my costume for Katy Perry's concert for Halloween this year as I was extremely lazy in making a costume and I figured I paid enough for all of the pieces, I should get some use out of it ;)

Important quote from One Tree Hill.

Another Halloween photo.

Village buildings in Harry Potter land!

Re-post of my yummy red lentil soup w/goat cheese.

Re-post of this handsome fella.

Hogwart's Express :)

I didn't take many photos from my actual week, so most of these are from my trip to Florida last month. I can't believe October is already last month. 2011 seriously flew by way to fast.

Spicy Asian Chicken and Noodle Soup

2011-11-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

Soups were never my favorite dish - I think it's because it was always canned and loaded with sodium. These days I love to cook and am always interested in trying new recipes. Since I'm suffering from a cold I thought a chicken noodle soup would be appropriate today (I omitted the chicken this time)!

Spicy Asian Chicken and Noodle Soup
Serves 4 | Cal: 197 Protein: 19.9g Protein: 19.9g
Carbs: 23.5g Fiber: 2.7g Sodium: 635mg

3 cups fat-free, lower-sodium chicken broth $

1 1/2 cups water

1 1/2 cups shredded rotisserie chicken breast $

1/2 cup grated carrot (about 1 medium)

1/2 cup thinly sliced snow peas

2 teaspoons Sriracha (hot chile sauce, such as Huy Fong)

2 teaspoons lower-sodium soy sauce $

1 1/2 teaspoons Thai red curry paste

1 (2-inch) piece peeled fresh ginger

6 cups water

3 ounces uncooked wide rice sticks (rice-flour noodles)

1 tablespoon fresh lime juice $

1/4 cup chopped fresh mint

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro $

1/4 cup thinly sliced green onions $

Directions:

1. Bring first 9 ingredients to a simmer in a medium saucepan; keep warm.
2. Bring 6 cups water to a boil in a large saucepan. Add rice noodles; cook 3 minutes. Drain. Place about 1/4 cup rice noodles in each of 4 bowls.
3. Discard ginger. Add juice to broth mixture; stir. Ladle 1 1/3 cups broth mixture over each serving; top with 1 tablespoon each mint, cilantro, and green onions.

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-11-02T11:00:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I am loving that it is now November. Although I won't be seeing any snow for another winter (see here) it means the holidays are coming right up. I've already seen a handful of Christmas-like commercials which make me giddy ;)

Pumpkin Cream Cheese from Trader Joe's. Great things do come in small packages. It's incredibly tasty, so if you love pumpkin flavors and have a TJ's near by I highly recommend it.

This cute photo I took of my sister's dog, Brooks. Isn't he handsome? I miss them all so much.

Seeing my friends' dreams come true! Melissa was able to meet her idol after three visits to Wilmington. Read more about it here!

Cold weather = cooking soups and stews. Even though the temperatures haven't dropped too low here in California yet, I've already began researching new soup recipes. One winner is red lenitl soup which I will be sharing with everyone later today or early tomorrow!

What I'm not loving? Being sick. I can't believe my cold comes AFTER I visited the doctor on Monday. Isn't that they way it always works? At least it's only a minor cold, but I shouldn't have come into work today.

Happy Wednesday, Xo!

Goodbye October & Hello November!

2011-11-01T16:57:00.000-07:00

Hello November! Nice to see you again so soon. My only wish, however, is that you brought me colder temperatures and snow - lots and lots of snow.

I know you're probably thinking I am crazy desiring cold, stormy weather over the predictable California sunny skies and highs in the 50s during the winter months, but I can't help it. I'm an East Coast girl. I spent 20 years experiencing the beauty of each of the four seasons and was able to properly celebrate the holiday season with hot cocoa, a cold red nose, and snow. Oh snow - how I miss you so!

It has been over four years since I moved out West and in the last three I've spent here in the Bay Area, I have little cold weather clothing to show for it. For the longest time I refused to buy winter jackets, warm sweaters and such because it just never felt like winter. I still don't have much but am saving up for a mini shopping spree - perhaps having warm clothes to wear will help lift my spirits about the lack of winter weather.

Do you have cold, snowy winters? What do you love most about them?

One Tree Hill Continues to Make Dreams Come True!

2011-11-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

Melissa and I have been Twitter friends for a little while now and we share a few common interests, one being our love for One Tree Hill and another actress Sophia Bush. Melissa visited Wilmington, NC this past weekend to attend the Evening with One Tree Hill event that I spoke of in my last entry.

She wasn't able to meet Sophia at the event and told me it was dragging her down. However, Sophia made the effort to meet up with Melissa today and I'm thrilled about the news. It is always a pleasure to see my friends so happy.

Thank you, Soph for making this girl's dream come true.

Read the full story here!

Fear Changes Everything

2011-10-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was probably one of the most epic in the life of One Tree Hill and I missed out on it all. Why? Because I let my fear grow bigger than my faith and my abilities. It saddens me how much I let fear keep me from doing some of the things I love.

There I was already on the East Coast when I heard wind of this Evening with One Tree Hill and although I didn't have tickets to go, I could have easily taken that flight to spend some time in the places the show is filmed.

What happened? I thought about the money I would have to spend. Money I could have spent but didn't want to deal with the stress after returning home. I also thought about what I would be leaving behind for another four days on top of the week I'd already been gone - work, love, friends.

I agreed when I made my decision not to go that I wouldn't be sad or beat myself up over it, but how couldn't I? My poor decision-making led to my missing out on valuable time with some incredible souls in a magical place.

I know it may sound silly to some of you reading, if not most, but if you know me then you know my love for this television show, the actor/actresses and the writers. This was my ONE chance to see them all before they are done filming this month and I blew it.

No regrets? No. I certainly have my regrets but I always remember to take my lessons learned with me. Next time, I'm buying those damn plane tickets and eating bread and water all weekend ;)

And there you go again One Tree Hill, teaching me lessons I will value for life.

"...because most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most."

10 Tips for a Well-Balanced Life

2011-10-29T09:42:00.000-07:00

I always keep my eye out for tips for a healthier life, and though some may become repetitive it's nice to be reminded. I found these tips when I was Pinning this morning and came across a rad blog with yummy recipes.

FOOD TIPS FOR A WELL-BALANCED LIFE

1. Eat less meat, especially red meat. Try to eat red meat no more than twice a week (once is even better!). To ensure your protein intake, consume it from other sources like beans and quinoa.

2. Switch to whole grains. If you love pasta like I do, give whole grains a try. Today's options are tastier than you might think, and the fiber will help you feel full sooner, so you don't need as large of a portion.

3. Remove the temptation. If a bag of chips or a gallon of ice cream is in your kitchen, it will eventually be eaten, so simply remove the temptation. It's ok to treat yourself now and then and have dessert, just don't buy them as part of your weekly shopping routine.

4. Portion control. Sometimes after a long day I get excited about dinner. So excited, that I eat more than I probably should. To combat this impulse, I try to eat more slowly. I also have a small snack, like the one in Tip #5, as soon as I get home, so I'm not as hungry while waiting preparing dinner. When we're finished eating, if either of us want seconds, I put together our leftovers for tomorrow's lunch before filling our plates.

5. Try an energy-boosting snack. Inevitably, every day around 2 or 3 pm I start feeling the afternoon slump. On the days I bring a healthy snack with me, I instantly feel better and am more alert. My favorite way to get more energy is Greek yogurt dusted with cinnamon, a drizzle of honey, and a small handful of nuts.

6. Lower your sugar and caffeine intake. Our favorite culprits are different for each of us. For me, it's English Breakfast tea and the iced tea lemonade at Starbucks. For the receptionist at my office, it's diet Coke. To reduce the sugar I consume, I only add cream to my morning tea, and on the days when I get a tea-lemonade, I ask for it half sweetened.

7. Drink more water. Your body needs it, and it will give you more energy.

8. Pack your lunch. Something homemade (even if it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich), will tend to be better for you than the entree you order at a local restaurant.

9. Stretch (just a little) at your desk. Whether you work from home or in an office, we all spend lots of time sitting in front of a computer. When I remember, I take a minute and stretch my arms and legs before getting back to work. It gets my blood circulating and helps me feel better instantly.

10. Have fun with healthy food. There are plenty of healthy, east to prepare, recipes floating around the internet and in cookbooks. Experiment and bookmark your favorites.

Reblogged from Cooking After Five

Followers Fest!

2011-10-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my friend Laura at Between The Lines, I found out about this followers festival. I'm always looking for new blog friends, hopefully this will help!

Hi, I'm Laura but most call me Lolly. I'm twenty-five years old living in the San Francisco Bay Area, CA. I was born and raised in Buffalo, NY - I know, I made quite the move - and find myself missing the changing seasons, snow for the holidays, yummy comfort food, and of course my friends. My transition over the last four and a half years hasn't been easy at all, but I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned and the endless amount of opportunities living on the West Coast has given me. Some of these include: meeting great new friends, meeting some of my favorite celebrities like Steven Tyler - Sophia Bush - Katy Perry, and a wonderful career opportunity.

I met my fiance on Myspace many moons ago. A lot of people are shocked when they hear it but honestly, I've lived my life online since I was 12 so it seemed very normal to me. He's an artist, musician, and all around great guy. He has a big heart and a fantastic sense of humor. I'm a lucky girl.

A few last random details: I model (though I've been taking a break), I love social media (you can find me on many, if not most, of the popular sites), I'm a huge One Tree Hill fan and I am so sad 9 years have passed and they are wrapping up filming of their last season, and I love to give back and inspire people!

Twitter: @lollyjean

Instagram: lollyjean

Hope to 'meet' many of you! Xo

Insta-Friday!

2011-10-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

I want this printed, framed, and on my wall!

Ozzie. He's so photogenic :)

Goat cheese stuffed grilled peppers. Very yummy!

Spent a couple days at Universal Orlando.

I caught Jaws!! ;)

The Simpson's Ride. Not too fabulous but still fun.

I'm a grammar freak, so I had to share this too ;)

I returned from vacation last night and two minutes after walking into my apartment I started to cry. It's good to be home, in my own space but I guess reality slapped me hard in the face. I'll elaborate more on this soon. Happy Friday, all! Xo

Insta-Friday/Saturday!

2011-10-22T07:04:00.000-07:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

I'm on vacation so I failed to have this post up in time for Friday - I have to get better about writing and scheduling my posts if I want to be a successful blogger. Anyway, here is my past week in photos!

Peet's Coffee is always a must!

Fun pumpkin display at Trader Joe's!

Coffee on the airplane. Love their stirrers!

Brooks! Isn't he a cutie?

Stormy days in Florida.

Celebrated Spirit Day <3

Beach time, so pretty.

Bomb mac-n-cheese w/veggies and tilapia stuffed w/crab cake.

#FlashbackFriday - Photo shoot from 2005 in Toronto.

Ended my Friday night w/a fire and Hocus Pocus.

Wish my apartment had a fireplace!

Spirit Day 2011

2011-10-20T10:31:00.000-07:00

Today is Spirit Day! What is Spirit Day, you ask? Let me tell you...

Millions of Americans wear purple on Spirit Day as a sign of support for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) youth and to speak out against bullying. Spirit Day was started in 2010 by teenager Brittany McMillan as a response to the young people who had taken their own lives. Observed annually on October 20, individuals, schools, organizations, corporations, media professionals and celebrities wear purple, which symbolizes spirit on the rainbow flag. Getting involved is easy -- participants are asked to simply "go purple" on October 20 as we work to create a world in which LGBT teens are celebrated and accepted for who they are.

I remember celebrating this day last year and I'm in shock of how quickly the year has passed. Since then a lot of progress has been made in regards to the LGBT community. Let's review a couple highlights!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed.

New York was the 6th state to legalize same-sex marriage.

I'm so proud to sport purple today in support of such an amazing and loving community.

If you would like to learn more about Spirit Day and find other ways you can support the LGBT community and the anti-bullying efforts, visit http://www.glaad.org/spiritday!

35 Little Acts of Kindness

2011-10-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

I know I love to smile and I love when someone does something nice for me. Always remember that one small, thoughtful gesture can make someone else's day...

1. Say "Good morning" to a person standing next to you in the elevator.

2. Pay the toll for the driver behind you.

3. Take a minute to direct someone who is lost, even though you're rushing.

4. Write a letter to a child who could use some extra attention. Kids love getting mail.

5. Offer to pick up groceries for an elderly neighbor, especially in extreme weather.

6. Give a homeless person your doggie bag.

7. Say "I love you" to someone you love.

8. Put a coin in an expired meter.

9. Help a mother carry her baby stroller up the subway stairs, or hold a door open for her.

10. Each time you get a new item of clothing, give away something old.

11. Take someone's shift as the car-pool parent.

12. Bring your assistant coffee.

13. Out of the blue, send flowers to a friend.

14. Say "please" and "thank you"—and really mean it.

15. When you're on a crowded train or bus, offer your seat to an elderly, disabled or pregnant person.

Read the rest on Oprah.com!

Insta-Friday!

2011-10-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

Follow me: @lollyjean

Happy Friday, friends! This week certainly dragged by as 4-day work weeks usually do. Anyway, here are some photos from the last week: sunsets, my niece, a wedding menu, Huntington Beach, the fiance, myself at a mini-photo shoot, and some quotes. Hope you enjoy!

NOTE: If you watch Dexter, you may have seen this building.

It's actually in Long Beach, CA & not Florida! #funfact ;)

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-10-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

Back again with another What I'm Loving Wednesday. Sad to see that I haven't blogged since last Wednesday. I do have some drafts saved but none are near complete. Hope to get those out soon! Anyway, here we go.

I've become a bit more active on Pinterest lately and am loving it. It reminds me a lot of Tumblr (which I also have an account on, of course) but I think I like it more. My link hasn't worked for me this morning but you can follow me here: http://pinterest.com/lollyjean/

Loving how I've been able to connect with some of my favorite actors/actresses from One Tree Hill thanks to social media. Chad and I have messaged a few times on Twitter over the last few months, mostly about our hometown of Buffalo, NY. He seems nice. Would be great to meet him someday!

Pretty quotes. Always love quotes, if you hadn't noticed ;) This one is definitely a favorite!

Finally, loving the fact that this time next week I'll be spending quality time with my sister. This photo is from her wedding last year on October 9th.

Happy Hump Day, loves!

What I'm Loving Wednesday!

2011-10-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

Trying out some new things today and that includes blog link-ups/memes. Hopefully I can stick do doing them weekly, at least bi-weekly.

Rain/cooler weather

Shopping for boots

My hair

Brownies

Twitter/inspiring people

I've connected with so many amazing activists/friends via Twitter. And today I've smiled more than I have in a long time, so thank you!

So What Wednesday!

2011-10-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

Trying something new this week with So What Wednesday. I've seen my friend Laura doing it in the past and could never think of anything to write, but this week it's different. Enjoy!

…if I've been watching episode after episode of One Tree Hill every night for the past week.

…if I've been packing on the weight and not doing a damn thing about it.

…if I make the "because I'm crazy/have mental health issues" excuse when people ask me why I don't drink anymore.

…if I'm missing half of this month at work.

…if I am stoked about the rain we've been having and wish it would pour every day.

…if I cannot stop itching my left leg to do some horrid sunburn.

Meet Me on Monday!

2011-10-03T16:02:00.000-07:00

1. I can't stand when someone ________?
Judges period. But most especially when they are judging based on false facts and do not have the respect to address the person they are judging directly.

2. Do you do daily, weekly or monthly grocery shopping?
Mostly weekly, on occasion daily.

3. What kind of car do you drive?
2008 Mazda.

4. Crunchy or soft tacos?
Soft! I can't stand crunchy tacos, they always fall apart.

5. What's the habit you are proudest of breaking?
Negativity, for sure. Currently working to break a few others with the help of therapy.

There's nothing romantic about death.

2011-10-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

There's nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the ocean: it's deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair.

As writers, we put pen to paper in times of devastating tragedy, we just try to make sense of it. Maybe we'll find clarity in some of those words. Maybe we'll find peace.

I haven't dealt with death much, most loved ones passed away when I was a lot younger but lately I've been dealing with it more. I guess that's what happens when you have a big family, or a large network of friends. It's actually kind of sad… most times when I'm contacted by a family member back home, I immediately assume the worst. Today, I was right in my assumption.

Death doesn't make much sense to me. I'm not sure if it ever will. All I know is that we are born, we live how ever many years are given to us, and we die. What comes before and what comes after is uncertain. That uncertainty puts fear in my heart, so I never care to reflect on it much. I know that one day, though, I'll be forced to. When someone very close to me dies and I'm faced with the reality of it all.

For now, all I can do is grieve and work through the guilt that I feel & be thankful. Thankful that I've been given another day to breathe, to exist, to feel, to hope, to love, and to give. If you're reading this, I hope you're thankful for it all too.

Insta-Friday

2011-09-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

Spent Sunday through Tuesday in LA with one of my best friends. Most of our time was spent on the beach and shopping. It was very needed and I'm looking forward to my next week long getaway in a couple of weeks. The last two photos are of some beautiful sunsets we've been having. Happy Friday!